solo_sword: (woe)
Jaina had been waiting for this for days, really. She'd tried to distract herself, tried to keep her mind off of it, but when she knew what Anakin was headed into, there wasn't really a way to distract herself. She still had nightmares about Myrkr, still remembered things too vividly, and try as she might she couldn't stop herself from wondering what Anakin was going through at almost any given second.

And then, right after getting home from one of her many visits to the gym over the last few days, she she didn't need to wonder what was happening there anymore.

She'd thought that having gone through this before, having lost both her brothers by now, knowing it was coming, it'd be easier. Somehow it just felt worse instead, and while the tears didn't surprise her in the least, the enormity of the hurt did.

So much for hoping it might be different this time.


[Establishy, cuz late. Woe.]
solo_sword: (you don't wanna try right now)
Basically, Jaina's visit so far seemed to mostly amount to difficult conversations she didn't want to have. It wasn't ideal, and there were better ways to spend her time in Fandom, but she'd known that would happen when she got to this point. And there were still more she had to have.

The one she hadn't counted on was the call she got from her Leia not long after waking up. At first Jaina had thought that her parents ha'd gotten word about how she was headed to a court-martial, but instead, Leia told her about how Jacen had tortured a woman to death during an interrogation. A woman named Ailyn Vel, who just so happened to be Boba Fett's daughter. Which was the point that Ben had told her was where she needed to start asking questions.

The real problem with knowing the future was not knowing what to do about it.

So she came clean about what had happened with the court-martial, and she would have told her mother at least a little of where she knew Jacen ended up, but from the sounds of it, Han and Leia knew the score, too. So she'd spare them that information for the moment.

When Jaina finally ended the call, she took a moment to just let it sink in, and then she had to start getting ready to face people like normal.


[Establishy, and details of conversation NFB.]
solo_sword: (maybe teasy)
The ride from Han and Leia's new apartment to the Jedi Temple was spent mostly in silence, right up till Zekk had to open his mouth. )

[NFB, NFI, OOC okay. And so begins Legacy of the Force (finally). My apologies for the upcoming spam to your flists from here on and I promise to at least try not to be too annoying. Tracy... I'm gonna owe you a pony or something.]
solo_sword: (distracted)
Jaina woke up early even for her, letting the bad dream vanish from memory as she came more awake, though she knew what the dream was about because she'd been having them for months. It was accompanied by her first recognizeable thought of the day: It's been ten years.

She'd come to grips with losing Anakin years ago, though she'd never say she was over it. Most years, the day rolled around and she tried to ignore it if she could, and if the opportunity came to be with her family on that day, she jumped at it. Since she was finishing things up here, actually seeing her parents wasn't going to happen. That thought didn't make her feel great today. And then she'd think about calling her family in Fandom and start worrying about them and wishing she was there to help. She had to talk herself out of making calls anyway since they were probably dealing with whatever the situation was there and if she couldn't help, she was better off waiting a few days or so. Weirdly, having something new to worry about took some of the focus off the decade-old sadness and loss.

Granted, she would think way differently if she had any idea what was really going on there.

Jaina refused to let things get to her today. Life went on, and she had work to do, and she had to keep her focus on what she was doing now. She got up, deciding that if she was going to be up, she was going to be doing something productive. Maybe she'd wake Zekk up for an early morning sparring session. She was sure he'd know why.


[Somehow unsurprising the traumaversary fell on BDE days. Mostly establishy as I think maybe people have other things on their minds right now, but can be open for calls, etc.]
solo_sword: (distracted)
Jaina woke up early even for her, letting the bad dream vanish from memory as she came more awake, though she knew what the dream was about because she'd been having them for months. It was accompanied by her first recognizeable thought of the day: It's been ten years.

She'd come to grips with losing Anakin years ago, though she'd never say she was over it. Most years, the day rolled around and she tried to ignore it if she could, and if the opportunity came to be with her family on that day, she jumped at it. Since she was finishing things up here, actually seeing her parents wasn't going to happen. That thought didn't make her feel great today. And then she'd think about calling her family in Fandom and start worrying about them and wishing she was there to help. She had to talk herself out of making calls anyway since they were probably dealing with whatever the situation was there and if she couldn't help, she was better off waiting a few days or so. Weirdly, having something new to worry about took some of the focus off the decade-old sadness and loss.

Granted, she would think way differently if she had any idea what was really going on there.

Jaina refused to let things get to her today. Life went on, and she had work to do, and she had to keep her focus on what she was doing now. She got up, deciding that if she was going to be up, she was going to be doing something productive. Maybe she'd wake Zekk up for an early morning sparring session. She was sure he'd know why.


[Somehow unsurprising the traumaversary fell on BDE days. Mostly establishy as I think maybe people have other things on their minds right now, but can be open for calls, etc.]
solo_sword: (sleepytime)
It was hard for Jaina to shut her brain off enough to get to sleep these days, which she found annoying. Often enough she wondered just how bad she'd be cheating if she just knocked herself out with a trance, and while she was never going to actually do it, it did seem really tempting some nights.

Times like this, it was a really good thing she didn't. )
solo_sword: (sleepytime)
It was hard for Jaina to shut her brain off enough to get to sleep these days, which she found annoying. Often enough she wondered just how bad she'd be cheating if she just knocked herself out with a trance, and while she was never going to actually do it, it did seem really tempting some nights.

Times like this, it was a really good thing she didn't. )
solo_sword: (sleepytime)
It was early when Jaina woke up from the nightmare, the kind of early where you don't need to look at the clock to know that you didn't need to get out of bed for hours yet. She didn't have the nightmares as often anymore, to the point where she could forget she had them at all most days, and she knew why she was having them again now. The anniversary was coming up again.

cut so you don't have to read it! )


[Establishy as it is book day, and NFB.]
solo_sword: (sleepytime)
It was early when Jaina woke up from the nightmare, the kind of early where you don't need to look at the clock to know that you didn't need to get out of bed for hours yet. She didn't have the nightmares as often anymore, to the point where she could forget she had them at all most days, and she knew why she was having them again now. The anniversary was coming up again.

cut so you don't have to read it! )


[Establishy as it is book day, and NFB.]
solo_sword: (dark)
Once she'd gotten work done and made all the calls she needed to for now, Jaina found that she still had absolutely zero interest in packing for the cabins. Granted, that would take only as long as she needed to throw some things into a bag and go, but she didn't want to do it. She hadn't wanted to go to the cabins last time, and now even the thought of it just gave her a bad, sick sort of feeling.

Instead, she wandered up to the sixth floor, trying to get away from where people might be packing and moving and disturbing her, looking around until she found the quiet room. And to think, someday locking Jedi in padded rooms might make a lot of sense. She could avoid topics she didn't want to deal with forever if she wanted, but the fact was her head was such a messed up jumble of things right now that she had to at least try and clear it.

She closed the door to the room, made herself comfortable in the middle of the floor, and closed her eyes to meditate.

cut for trauma )


[NFB and NFI plz!]
solo_sword: (dark)
Once she'd gotten work done and made all the calls she needed to for now, Jaina found that she still had absolutely zero interest in packing for the cabins. Granted, that would take only as long as she needed to throw some things into a bag and go, but she didn't want to do it. She hadn't wanted to go to the cabins last time, and now even the thought of it just gave her a bad, sick sort of feeling.

Instead, she wandered up to the sixth floor, trying to get away from where people might be packing and moving and disturbing her, looking around until she found the quiet room. And to think, someday locking Jedi in padded rooms might make a lot of sense. She could avoid topics she didn't want to deal with forever if she wanted, but the fact was her head was such a messed up jumble of things right now that she had to at least try and clear it.

She closed the door to the room, made herself comfortable in the middle of the floor, and closed her eyes to meditate.

cut for trauma )


[NFB and NFI plz!]
solo_sword: (looking down)
Jaina had decided that even on a break week, there simply wasn't enough time. She'd gotten up early today, started going through her messages and reports that had been sent overnight, and really wasn't happy with how long she'd been doing this when she finally looked at her chronometer. She sighed and put the datapad down for now, mainly because she was going to get eyestrain soon if she kept looking at it.

Ordinarily she would have just gone home till classes started up again, taken care of things, checked up on her squadron, maybe run a campaign or two while she was actually in the vicinity of the war. But if this was John's last week here, she really didn't want to do that now. Though she still wasn't sure how to tell him she was planning to go next week instead, as "I'm going back to where everything bad happens as soon as you leave" probably wouldn't go over well.

She waved her hand, opening the door, maybe for once actually hoping for some sort of distraction.

[Open door, open post.]
solo_sword: (looking down)
Jaina had decided that even on a break week, there simply wasn't enough time. She'd gotten up early today, started going through her messages and reports that had been sent overnight, and really wasn't happy with how long she'd been doing this when she finally looked at her chronometer. She sighed and put the datapad down for now, mainly because she was going to get eyestrain soon if she kept looking at it.

Ordinarily she would have just gone home till classes started up again, taken care of things, checked up on her squadron, maybe run a campaign or two while she was actually in the vicinity of the war. But if this was John's last week here, she really didn't want to do that now. Though she still wasn't sure how to tell him she was planning to go next week instead, as "I'm going back to where everything bad happens as soon as you leave" probably wouldn't go over well.

She waved her hand, opening the door, maybe for once actually hoping for some sort of distraction.

[Open door, open post.]

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