Jaina Solo Fel (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
solo_sword) wrote2008-08-08 05:52 am
solo_sword) wrote2008-08-08 05:52 am
Borleias, Friday Fandom time
It wasn't any wonder that Jaina was nervous on the way to see her parents. She didn't know how much they knew about what she'd been doing, but it wasn't anything any parent wanted to hear about their child. Especially their last surviving child. Throughout the trip Kyp kept trying to reassure her, leading to several threats to shut him out. She never did it. Just kept him a little... distant. She didn't share her concerns with Lowie as much.
When they arrived, Jaina didn't have time to worry about whether or not her friends would want to see her, because the speed at which Han and Leia glommed on to her was impressive. They moved fast for old people. The amount of relief she felt from both of them didn't ease what she was feeling at all, and worse was the sight of Mara hanging back, waiting for a chance to talk to her. She passed it off for the time being.
Kyp, Jaina and Lowie told an audience consisting of Jaina's parents, Luke, Mara, Wedge and Jag about the happenings on Hapes over dinner. Jaina was relieved that certain things didn't get much detail. Everyone knew about her foray into the dark side, but she wasn't ready to revisit it all so soon in large company. She was still stinging from hearing what certain people had thought of her, and wasn't quite willing to invite more of that yet.
"So the Yuuzhan Vong are clustering around Hapes, but Tenel Ka is in charge there as Queen Mother," Luke said, summarizing. "Some good, some bad. Even with her fleets so badly reduced and her danger so close, Hapes could be a strong ally for us. We'll need to offer her whatever support we can manage to keep the Vong from making any further inroads there."
"I don't think Hapes can ever be sorted out," Kyp said, but added thoughtfully, "On the other hand, I'm the last one who ought to be offering that sort of opinion."
"We're lucky things turned out as well as they did there," Luke said. "Ta'a Chume could still be in charge, could still be making things harder for all of us." He turned to Jaina and added, "Seriously, you understand that I wasn't questioning your decision. I wasn't hinting that you should throw yourself on the thermal detonator that a marriage to Isolder would represent."
"I know what you meant, Uncle Luke," she assured him. "I made the right choice." She honestly didn't want to know what she'd become with that drive and that much power and Ta'a Chume holding her reins. She would have allowed herself to burn out fantastically in a matter of months, probably sooner.
"So, what are your plans now?" Wedge asked her. "You're still on Rogue Squadron's reserve roster, but your situation is unique, so I'm not going to call you up for duty if you and Luke feel you'll be more useful elsewhere. I can put you in touch with one of the fleet groups if that's what you want... but we could really use your piloting skills on Borleais."
And here it was. This was her publicly declaring herself as being in this. The fact was, she did want to stay around her parents. They'd lost enough. They all had. At least for a while, they could enjoy what they had. And as her gaze fell on Jag and Kyp, she couldn't help but think that maybe they were the direction she was supposed to be going in. She'd kind of discovered she had a good support team there. "I'd like to stay," she said. "But I want to do something. I want to form a new starfighter squadron, if I can put together enough pilots and materiel, and practice some tactics involving the Force. Force-based coordination."
Luke looked interested. "Sort of like what Joruus C'baoth did for Thrawn."
"I'm not talking about ancient history, I'm talking about now." She glanced around at the winces and dark looks she received from everyone present who was over the age of thirty. She offered up a calm smile. "No, I didn't mean it that way. I meant, I'm not talking about something on the scale that C'baoth used. Just within a fighter squadron. The Yuuzhan Vong think that I'm associated somehow with Yun-Harla, their goddess of trickery. I'd like to play on that... and this means coming up with methods of trickery. Or what seems like trickery to them. That means the Force to me. The Force, and maybe the best advice from the best pilots, like Uncle Luke and General Antilles."
"I've heard a little about this Trickster goddess thing," said Wedge, who really seemed to be considering it. "I think it has the real potential for psychological warfare. So I'm inclined to move on this idea. But Jaina, if we're going to have the Yuuzhan Vong believe you're tied to this Yun-Harla, we're going to have to treat you like a goddess."
Jaina couldn't help but smile at him. "That sounds terrible."
"I'm not joking. I suspect it means treatment to the point of isolation. You'd have to be seen getting benefits and consideration you haven't earned, which will cause bad feelings among pilots who have earned them. You'd only be able to talk freely with people who were in on the secret, and only in areas that Intelligence has certified are free of listeners. It's going to to distance you from people."
Saved her the trouble of doing it herself. "That won't be a problem."
Luke leaned forward. "I also think this is something that ought to be done. Anything new we can do to keep the Yuuzhan Vong off balance is worth exploring. And since I have another mission priority now, why don't I just hand command of Twin Suns Squadron over to her? With your approval, Wedge."
Jaina's head snapped towards her uncle, utterly shocked and more than a little gleeful, which was a strange feeling at the moment. She'd always known that eventually she'd get her own squadron, but getting it handed to her by Luke was something else entirely. "You mean that?"
"I do. And I don't think the symbolism will be lost on the Yuuzhan Vong. Luke Skywalker gives up his personal squadron-"
"A squadron with the word twin in the name," Jag pointed out.
"Good point," said Luke. "It was actually named in memory of Tatooine, but they don't know that."
Wedge nodded. "Jaina could use some command experience, and I know something she doesn't- which is that Corran Horn has rejoined Rogue Squadron. Meaning that we'd have two starfighter squadrons with Jedi in them. That might allow us some even more extravagant experiments in tactics."
"I brought in a fighter squadron from Hapes," said Jag. "But the notion of learning tactics involving Force coordination- and playing with he minds of our enemies- is an intriguing one. I think I'd like to join your Twin Suns Squadron."
"I would too," said Kyp.
Most of the people around the table were definitely surprised by that. Jaina couldn't help but feel better about this. She hadn't expected either of them to follow her, but the fact that they were and had volunteered meant a lot. Maybe she really wasn't as far gone as she believed.
"You're both sure?" Wedge checked. "About taking orders from a squadron leader with a lot less command experience than you have?"
"Yes," Jag answered. "I know how to take orders as well as give them. And my second-in-command, Shawnkyr Nuruodo, is certainly qualified to lead the squadron I brought."
Kyp nodded in agreement. "I suspect I'd benefit from analyzing and advising for a while instead of leading. If I start to chafe, I can always transfer out."
Wedge turned to Jaina with a slightly weird smile. "There you go. An instant squadron for you to reconfigure as the honor guard of the manifestation of a Yuuzhan Vong goddess. This means that the very first thing you get is beaurocratic personnel matters to deal with. I'll see if I can round up an Ewok pilot candidate to throw your way just to make things more difficult. You'll be my age in no time."
When dinner was over and they were sent on their way, Jaina said good night to the others, but hung back in order to catch up with Mara, who didn't seem to be in a hurry to leave without her. "Congratulations, Goddess," she said as they walked together. "I feel like I should be proud of you for not settling just being a queen..."
"And it begins," said Jaina, slightly amused. "Somehow the idea of being married to someone my mom could have married didn't appeal to me. Add in that I would have been my friend's stepmother..."
"I thought you were used to strange."
"I think that's a whole new level."
Mara nodded. "Are we going to have this talk, or are you going to avoid me more?"
"I wasn't trying to avoid you," Jaina assured her. "I just didn't want to get into the details yet."
"I hope you're ready now," she said, and Jaina wouldn't have expected her to wait for an explanation. Mara had heard things. News of Jaina's apprenticing herself to Kyp would have undoubtedly reached her, and there were things that had to be said, and there was no use in putting it off. Better to face it head on.
"Yeah," she said, "I am."
*****
It wasn't until Leia found her sitting outside that she dared to say, "I would have expected Kyp to show up with a few more bruises."
"So much for being alone," Jaina said wryly, but she didn't mind when Leia took a seat next to her. She shrugged a little and said, "Things have changed a bit. I, uh. Okay, look, I know you heard the rumors, but it looks like he's really taking me on as an apprentice."
While Jaina's shields were still firmly up to keep herself in check, she could still get a good sense of what others were thinking. Which was why she knew that while Leia had no outward reaction beyond the eyebrow raise, she was surprised. "I didn't think that was serious," she admitted.
"It wasn't, at the time. I talked to Aunt Mara. She's not happy, but she understands."
"You know that's going to have fallout," she warned.
"Everything since Myrkr is going to have fallout. We both need this," said Jaina simply. Might as well suck it up. She'd have to do it eventually anyway. "Anything you want to get off your chest, please do. Hit me with it now so we can deal with it."
That didn't surprise Leia. "That sounds more like you," she said.
Jaina wasn't sure what she'd expected. She was expecting to hear yelling and derision from a lot of people, but it wasn't as if she'd ever heard Leia direct any of that at her family. Maybe she just thought she deserved it. And while part of her wondered why nothing had been said or done anything to try and stop her if she knew what was happening, it didn't escape her notice that Leia didn't seem to have doubts that she would make it back. She wasn't even questioning whether Jaina was back.
It was a more unsettling revelation than she wanted to admit, and therefore she just buried the thought.
"I noticed your answer to Wedge's question had nothing to do with school," Leia noted when Jaina didn't say anything about it. She'd spent enough time with Han, she had to know this sort of reaction to things.
"I'm not going back," Jaina replied.
"Ever?"
It kind of hurt to answer that. And yet she still couldn't bring herself to make any calls. It probably hadn't been long enough there for him to even worry. "Can't. Other things to do."
There was a slight pause, and Leia was studying her a little more intently than Jaina would like. "It might do you some good to get away."
She shook her head. "I don't want to get away. School isn't my life anymore. I have things I need to be doing here."
"Jaina. You know what just happened back there on Hapes."
The really weird thing about all of this to Jaina was that there was no clear cut right or wrong here. Her methods were cruel and harsh and definitely not anything she should have been doing, but the outcome was a good thing. They'd won at Hapes against the Vong because of it. Knowing that meant that it was a lot harder to be truly sorry about the things she'd done in order to achieve that. And, she supposed, that was why she was really going to have to watch herself. "No. I'm done with that sort of thing. I'm getting Twin Suns now, I want to hit the Vong where it hurts and I want to keep doing it till they feel it."
That definitely got a Look out of Leia, and Jaina cursed herself for not thinking about how it sounded. "I didn't mean it like that. No one can say I haven't been working my butt off since Myrkr. And if what happened on Hapes turned out for the better, it makes me more of an asset to the fight than a liability."
"You shouldn't have to worry about either," Leia insisted. "You're allowed to take time-"
"No, Mom," Jaina said firmly. She gave herself a lot of credit for not getting irrationally snappish. "I go back there and I do what? Sit and wait for the next transmission telling me who's died now? Train on my own just to look forward to the first chance I have to come back here, or worse, dread coming back? I'm not interested in doing that."
"And what about your grandfather? At the very least, I would think he'd be a good person to talk to about this."
"Would you want to have that conversation if you were me?"
"I'm serious, Jaina. You're giving up an entire life by not going back there," her mother warned her. "You may think I don't listen to you, but I do."
Jaina looked down, suddenly very uncomfortable. It just wasn't about her anymore, and cutting ties would be better for everyone there, but she couldn't exactly explain that to her mother. "They'll get over it," she said quietly, and moved to stand. "I'm going to get some practice in."
Leia didn't try to stop her, but she didn't look too happy about her leaving, either.
[Blah blah blah. Part taken from Enemy Lines I: Rebel Dream by Aaron Allston. Don't worry, I'm not throwing a third book at you, I swear. Yet.]
When they arrived, Jaina didn't have time to worry about whether or not her friends would want to see her, because the speed at which Han and Leia glommed on to her was impressive. They moved fast for old people. The amount of relief she felt from both of them didn't ease what she was feeling at all, and worse was the sight of Mara hanging back, waiting for a chance to talk to her. She passed it off for the time being.
Kyp, Jaina and Lowie told an audience consisting of Jaina's parents, Luke, Mara, Wedge and Jag about the happenings on Hapes over dinner. Jaina was relieved that certain things didn't get much detail. Everyone knew about her foray into the dark side, but she wasn't ready to revisit it all so soon in large company. She was still stinging from hearing what certain people had thought of her, and wasn't quite willing to invite more of that yet.
"So the Yuuzhan Vong are clustering around Hapes, but Tenel Ka is in charge there as Queen Mother," Luke said, summarizing. "Some good, some bad. Even with her fleets so badly reduced and her danger so close, Hapes could be a strong ally for us. We'll need to offer her whatever support we can manage to keep the Vong from making any further inroads there."
"I don't think Hapes can ever be sorted out," Kyp said, but added thoughtfully, "On the other hand, I'm the last one who ought to be offering that sort of opinion."
"We're lucky things turned out as well as they did there," Luke said. "Ta'a Chume could still be in charge, could still be making things harder for all of us." He turned to Jaina and added, "Seriously, you understand that I wasn't questioning your decision. I wasn't hinting that you should throw yourself on the thermal detonator that a marriage to Isolder would represent."
"I know what you meant, Uncle Luke," she assured him. "I made the right choice." She honestly didn't want to know what she'd become with that drive and that much power and Ta'a Chume holding her reins. She would have allowed herself to burn out fantastically in a matter of months, probably sooner.
"So, what are your plans now?" Wedge asked her. "You're still on Rogue Squadron's reserve roster, but your situation is unique, so I'm not going to call you up for duty if you and Luke feel you'll be more useful elsewhere. I can put you in touch with one of the fleet groups if that's what you want... but we could really use your piloting skills on Borleais."
And here it was. This was her publicly declaring herself as being in this. The fact was, she did want to stay around her parents. They'd lost enough. They all had. At least for a while, they could enjoy what they had. And as her gaze fell on Jag and Kyp, she couldn't help but think that maybe they were the direction she was supposed to be going in. She'd kind of discovered she had a good support team there. "I'd like to stay," she said. "But I want to do something. I want to form a new starfighter squadron, if I can put together enough pilots and materiel, and practice some tactics involving the Force. Force-based coordination."
Luke looked interested. "Sort of like what Joruus C'baoth did for Thrawn."
"I'm not talking about ancient history, I'm talking about now." She glanced around at the winces and dark looks she received from everyone present who was over the age of thirty. She offered up a calm smile. "No, I didn't mean it that way. I meant, I'm not talking about something on the scale that C'baoth used. Just within a fighter squadron. The Yuuzhan Vong think that I'm associated somehow with Yun-Harla, their goddess of trickery. I'd like to play on that... and this means coming up with methods of trickery. Or what seems like trickery to them. That means the Force to me. The Force, and maybe the best advice from the best pilots, like Uncle Luke and General Antilles."
"I've heard a little about this Trickster goddess thing," said Wedge, who really seemed to be considering it. "I think it has the real potential for psychological warfare. So I'm inclined to move on this idea. But Jaina, if we're going to have the Yuuzhan Vong believe you're tied to this Yun-Harla, we're going to have to treat you like a goddess."
Jaina couldn't help but smile at him. "That sounds terrible."
"I'm not joking. I suspect it means treatment to the point of isolation. You'd have to be seen getting benefits and consideration you haven't earned, which will cause bad feelings among pilots who have earned them. You'd only be able to talk freely with people who were in on the secret, and only in areas that Intelligence has certified are free of listeners. It's going to to distance you from people."
Saved her the trouble of doing it herself. "That won't be a problem."
Luke leaned forward. "I also think this is something that ought to be done. Anything new we can do to keep the Yuuzhan Vong off balance is worth exploring. And since I have another mission priority now, why don't I just hand command of Twin Suns Squadron over to her? With your approval, Wedge."
Jaina's head snapped towards her uncle, utterly shocked and more than a little gleeful, which was a strange feeling at the moment. She'd always known that eventually she'd get her own squadron, but getting it handed to her by Luke was something else entirely. "You mean that?"
"I do. And I don't think the symbolism will be lost on the Yuuzhan Vong. Luke Skywalker gives up his personal squadron-"
"A squadron with the word twin in the name," Jag pointed out.
"Good point," said Luke. "It was actually named in memory of Tatooine, but they don't know that."
Wedge nodded. "Jaina could use some command experience, and I know something she doesn't- which is that Corran Horn has rejoined Rogue Squadron. Meaning that we'd have two starfighter squadrons with Jedi in them. That might allow us some even more extravagant experiments in tactics."
"I brought in a fighter squadron from Hapes," said Jag. "But the notion of learning tactics involving Force coordination- and playing with he minds of our enemies- is an intriguing one. I think I'd like to join your Twin Suns Squadron."
"I would too," said Kyp.
Most of the people around the table were definitely surprised by that. Jaina couldn't help but feel better about this. She hadn't expected either of them to follow her, but the fact that they were and had volunteered meant a lot. Maybe she really wasn't as far gone as she believed.
"You're both sure?" Wedge checked. "About taking orders from a squadron leader with a lot less command experience than you have?"
"Yes," Jag answered. "I know how to take orders as well as give them. And my second-in-command, Shawnkyr Nuruodo, is certainly qualified to lead the squadron I brought."
Kyp nodded in agreement. "I suspect I'd benefit from analyzing and advising for a while instead of leading. If I start to chafe, I can always transfer out."
Wedge turned to Jaina with a slightly weird smile. "There you go. An instant squadron for you to reconfigure as the honor guard of the manifestation of a Yuuzhan Vong goddess. This means that the very first thing you get is beaurocratic personnel matters to deal with. I'll see if I can round up an Ewok pilot candidate to throw your way just to make things more difficult. You'll be my age in no time."
When dinner was over and they were sent on their way, Jaina said good night to the others, but hung back in order to catch up with Mara, who didn't seem to be in a hurry to leave without her. "Congratulations, Goddess," she said as they walked together. "I feel like I should be proud of you for not settling just being a queen..."
"And it begins," said Jaina, slightly amused. "Somehow the idea of being married to someone my mom could have married didn't appeal to me. Add in that I would have been my friend's stepmother..."
"I thought you were used to strange."
"I think that's a whole new level."
Mara nodded. "Are we going to have this talk, or are you going to avoid me more?"
"I wasn't trying to avoid you," Jaina assured her. "I just didn't want to get into the details yet."
"I hope you're ready now," she said, and Jaina wouldn't have expected her to wait for an explanation. Mara had heard things. News of Jaina's apprenticing herself to Kyp would have undoubtedly reached her, and there were things that had to be said, and there was no use in putting it off. Better to face it head on.
"Yeah," she said, "I am."
*****
It wasn't until Leia found her sitting outside that she dared to say, "I would have expected Kyp to show up with a few more bruises."
"So much for being alone," Jaina said wryly, but she didn't mind when Leia took a seat next to her. She shrugged a little and said, "Things have changed a bit. I, uh. Okay, look, I know you heard the rumors, but it looks like he's really taking me on as an apprentice."
While Jaina's shields were still firmly up to keep herself in check, she could still get a good sense of what others were thinking. Which was why she knew that while Leia had no outward reaction beyond the eyebrow raise, she was surprised. "I didn't think that was serious," she admitted.
"It wasn't, at the time. I talked to Aunt Mara. She's not happy, but she understands."
"You know that's going to have fallout," she warned.
"Everything since Myrkr is going to have fallout. We both need this," said Jaina simply. Might as well suck it up. She'd have to do it eventually anyway. "Anything you want to get off your chest, please do. Hit me with it now so we can deal with it."
That didn't surprise Leia. "That sounds more like you," she said.
Jaina wasn't sure what she'd expected. She was expecting to hear yelling and derision from a lot of people, but it wasn't as if she'd ever heard Leia direct any of that at her family. Maybe she just thought she deserved it. And while part of her wondered why nothing had been said or done anything to try and stop her if she knew what was happening, it didn't escape her notice that Leia didn't seem to have doubts that she would make it back. She wasn't even questioning whether Jaina was back.
It was a more unsettling revelation than she wanted to admit, and therefore she just buried the thought.
"I noticed your answer to Wedge's question had nothing to do with school," Leia noted when Jaina didn't say anything about it. She'd spent enough time with Han, she had to know this sort of reaction to things.
"I'm not going back," Jaina replied.
"Ever?"
It kind of hurt to answer that. And yet she still couldn't bring herself to make any calls. It probably hadn't been long enough there for him to even worry. "Can't. Other things to do."
There was a slight pause, and Leia was studying her a little more intently than Jaina would like. "It might do you some good to get away."
She shook her head. "I don't want to get away. School isn't my life anymore. I have things I need to be doing here."
"Jaina. You know what just happened back there on Hapes."
The really weird thing about all of this to Jaina was that there was no clear cut right or wrong here. Her methods were cruel and harsh and definitely not anything she should have been doing, but the outcome was a good thing. They'd won at Hapes against the Vong because of it. Knowing that meant that it was a lot harder to be truly sorry about the things she'd done in order to achieve that. And, she supposed, that was why she was really going to have to watch herself. "No. I'm done with that sort of thing. I'm getting Twin Suns now, I want to hit the Vong where it hurts and I want to keep doing it till they feel it."
That definitely got a Look out of Leia, and Jaina cursed herself for not thinking about how it sounded. "I didn't mean it like that. No one can say I haven't been working my butt off since Myrkr. And if what happened on Hapes turned out for the better, it makes me more of an asset to the fight than a liability."
"You shouldn't have to worry about either," Leia insisted. "You're allowed to take time-"
"No, Mom," Jaina said firmly. She gave herself a lot of credit for not getting irrationally snappish. "I go back there and I do what? Sit and wait for the next transmission telling me who's died now? Train on my own just to look forward to the first chance I have to come back here, or worse, dread coming back? I'm not interested in doing that."
"And what about your grandfather? At the very least, I would think he'd be a good person to talk to about this."
"Would you want to have that conversation if you were me?"
"I'm serious, Jaina. You're giving up an entire life by not going back there," her mother warned her. "You may think I don't listen to you, but I do."
Jaina looked down, suddenly very uncomfortable. It just wasn't about her anymore, and cutting ties would be better for everyone there, but she couldn't exactly explain that to her mother. "They'll get over it," she said quietly, and moved to stand. "I'm going to get some practice in."
Leia didn't try to stop her, but she didn't look too happy about her leaving, either.
[Blah blah blah. Part taken from Enemy Lines I: Rebel Dream by Aaron Allston. Don't worry, I'm not throwing a third book at you, I swear. Yet.]