preplay: spooooooon!

[solo_sword]

As the convention was really kicking into gear, Megan took the stage for her last panel of the day, to much modded applause. "Heeeeey, Fandom fans, are you ready for some more talk about your favorite show!"

More applause! God, Megan loved being able to make things happen. It was so. cool.

"Then it's a good thing you're here! Welcome to The Future of Fandom, where we'll talk about upcoming storylines, and maybe I'll drop a spoiler or two!"

Oh, the fans loved that one. Except for probably a few people grumbling about being spoiled because they were no fun at all.

Comments

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

Enough was enough. If all of this fan-related chaos was going to happen, then, well, The Tick was going to make his own fan-related chaos!

And so he walked right up to the microphone being used for questions, leaned over, and without being directed, said, "SPOOOOOOON!" And then, "Oh, sorry. Wow, that really picked up the timbre of my voice, didn't it? Let's try that again. Spoon!"

[boocontinuity.livejournal.com]

Well, that was unexpected, but that was okay. Megan could roll with it. "The Tick, ladies and gentlemen!" she said, encouraging applause. Of course, she had one major question here. "I didn't think you'd be joining us!"

The question was 'What are you doing here' but that wasn't a positive statement.

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

"That would have been a spoiler, and I live by a strong anti-spoiler policy," The Tick said. "Right now, even I don't know exactly what I'm going to say, and I'm the one saying it!"

[boocontinuity.livejournal.com]

"Well, um." The truth was, Megan had gotten so used to being able to control everything, she wasn't sure what to do in this case. "Well I'm sure everyone here would love to hear anything you have to say!"

And as people cheered for that- some loudly- Megan leaned away from the microphone and said, "But seriously what are you doing here?"

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

"I'm here to talk to you. ALL of you," The Tick said, picking up the microphone stand so he could stop slouching and gesture to everyone. "You see, meddling in the affairs of others can be fun. And if they're breaking the law, it can even be just! But you're here because you enjoy the kinds of things we did on our own. The unexpected things that nobody could script without having been bitten by a drunk gremlin! Egads fans, you've been doing more than just monkeying around, you've been full on GORILLAING! And gorillas aren't gentle! If you keep it up, you're going to smash all of the fun you had watching us and all you're going to have to console yourselves is bananas and maybe a kitten, if you're really lucky."

The Tick was on a roll now, so he walked up onto the stage, still carrying his microphone. "But you can stop! You can evolve! Leave behind your primate powers and put on some clothes! Take the high road that you can build with your advanced human intellect instead of hanging around in trees all the time! Let us decide who we want to smooch and what careers we want! You enjoyed it before, you can enjoy it again!"

"And when you've taken that leap, you'll find yourself on a whole new evolutionary plane, with our friends the squirrels. You know, those little guys who watch everything we do, write it all down, and probably gossip about it in their squirrel language where we can't see or hear them while we do our best to live our lives without thinking too much about that? They're a vital part of life in Fandom!" The Tick explained. "In fact, where's the squirrel who's covering this right now? Come on out! Come join us on stage!"

A squirrel scurried out from the press section onto the stage and into The Tick's free hand. The Tick lifted the squirrel up with some adoration. "Look at this guy. Understands human language. He can write, using a very impressive form of shorthand. And I know he can drink me under any table we can find! But he's happy letting nature happen on its own. And in doing so, he's become a vital part of the Fandom ecosystem."

The Tick seemed to finally be rounding into the home stretch here. "And that's what all of you can do! You, too, can be like the noble squirrel and enjoy all that you see here! Or you can be a big, messy ape and ruin everything you used to love! The choice is yours, chums. Do you want to be gorillas? Or do you want to be SQUIRRELS?!"

[boocontinuity.livejournal.com]

Wow, he could go on and on and on. This worked so much better when she was watching him do this on TV, and she wasn't the one being speeched at.

Since she couldn't get to the microphone, the only thing Megan had been able to manage was a "But-" here and there when it looked like he might take a breath long enough for her to interject.

"But-"

She paused.

"Oh, I thought you'd start again," Megan explained, and then ignored that. "But we're just making things better! We're fixing things so we can all enjoy it!"

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

"You ask me, that's what the gorilla signed before it crushed its pet kitten and made the entire internet sad," The Tick pointed out. "Fandom is that kitten, Megan! LISTEN TO IT MEOW!"

[boocontinuity.livejournal.com]

Megan looked stricken.

"But we're not... I'm not..." It was so horrible she had to whisper it. "I'm not crushing kittens!"

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

"Look at all of the things you've changed, Megan. Look at all the things you've played with!" The Tick explained. "Nobody has any clue who they're really in love with or why anymore! The coffee shop will be out of business inside of a week with their current employee to customer ratio! And if all of those strippers are really that dedicated to their craft, they'll never even try to put themselves through college!"

"I may not be a math teacher, but I know if you add that all together, it equals a kitten who is trying to catch its breath right now. But it's not too late, Megan! It's not! too! late!"

[boocontinuity.livejournal.com]

Kittens didn't work in math, like, at all, but Megan was so horrified that she wasn't about to bring that up.

"Do you know kitten CPR?"

Screw all the people here, she didn't care about that. It was the hypothetical choking kitten she cared about.

Of course it was. She lived on the internet.

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

"I don't. But I know that some people in Fandom do," The Tick said. "But you have to let them resuscitate that kitten. It won't work if you make them do it." The squirrel gave her a pleading look. Wouldn't she PLEASE let the kitten be saved? PLEASE?

[boocontinuity.livejournal.com]

The squirrel was against her, too? That just felt like a betrayal.

Megan looked to the Tick, to the squirrel, to the audience, and back to the squirrel. She wanted to make things work so no hypothetical kittens would be killed in the making of this convention, but when faced with this irrefutable logic, she didn't see a way.

"...All right, I won't do anything, just don't crush the kitten!"

It was possible her logic had warped a little in all of this, but you know what, the end result was the same.

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

"Good news, everyone! THE KITTEN IS GOING TO LIVE!" The Tick said. He put the microphone stand down and the squirrel gave him a tiny little high five.

POST THAT TO TUMBLR, FANS! DO IT!

[boocontinuity.livejournal.com]

Cheers erupted from the audience, because kittens living was something to cheer for, even if they had no idea what this conversation was about.

And realizing that they had no idea what this conversation was about, Megan covered the mic with one hand and said, "If anybody asks, this whole thing was planned, okay?"

[bugofjustice.livejournal.com]

"Deal," The Tick said.

The squirrel... Well, who knew with squirrels?