Starsider, Tuesday evening Fandom time

[solo_sword]

Jaina wasn't working at the moment. Yeah, it was a surprise to her, too. While moving to Kashyyyk, she'd sort of stepped away from the whole thing that had her in total shock and caught up with her pilots (complete with the biggest hug ever from Lowie, who'd obviously heard), ran them through some drills, and let them go without making anyone cry. They'd probably think she'd gotten soft.

And then when she had time to herself, she watched Jacen's message again, still wasn't sure what she was feeling, and decided it was time to make the call she'd promised.

[For the callee.]

Comments

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

John hadn't had the best of days, what with the class consisting of dozens of screaming babies and not sleeping very well the night before. It was no surprise he was getting ready for bed earlier than usual, leaning on the counter top and flossing his teeth in the mirror.

He would be embarrassed to report how quickly he moved when he heard the phone ring. Yes, there was floss stuck between his teeth when he answered, trying to sound casual. "Hello?"

[solo_sword]

"Told you I'd call," she greeted him, mostly succeeding at casual herself.

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

He plucked the floss from his teeth and flopped on his bed. "And I told you I'd try to answer. I think I exceeded my part of the bargain."

[solo_sword]

"I appreciate it," Jaina said, finding that she didn't really want to sit and just paced around the room instead. Also, finding that she had no idea how to actually say her news. "Everything okay there?"

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

"Sure," John didn't feel much like talking about himself right then. "You gonna tell me what's up?"

[solo_sword]

At first she didn't know how to say it, or how she even really felt about everything yet, but she found that she couldn't keep the smile off her face. "Jacen's alive."

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

"What?" She sounded to happy for his shock to last long. "How?"

[solo_sword]

"I don't know too many details," she said, trying again at sitting down on her bunk for more than three seconds. "The Vong had him. I'm not sure where or for how long. He escaped, and... He's just on Mon Calamari."

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

"So you're on your way there?" John asked, trying to figure out if this was a good or bad thing.

[solo_sword]

And that was a heavy sigh coming from Jaina. The only time you'd ever see her complaining about needing to work was when she really just wanted to see her presumed-dead brother. "No, they deployed us to Kashyyyk. Kre'fey put me to work after all. I'm still hoping to end up at least in the same system."

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

Us was naturally the Twin Suns. Of course she was working and of course he wasn't needed there. John tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice.

"I'll keep my fingers crossed for you there," he replied.

[solo_sword]

Weirdly enough, she wanted to see Jacen and go back to Fandom. She didn't know where it came from, either. "You know Kre'fey told me about Jacen and then ambushed me into a strategy meeting?" she said. "I haven't even been able to get in touch with my parents yet."

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

"Sounds like Kre'fey was just itching to get you back," he commented. "Are you too far out to get in contact with your parents or something?"

[solo_sword]

"I think they're just incommunicado. Jag saw them. He knew before I did!" Not that she was pouting about it.

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

"Huh. How's Scar doing?" Look, he could ask after him. This showed growth or something.

[solo_sword]

"I just had a message waiting for me," she shrugged. "Just letting me know what's up and congratulations, sort of. The squadron says hi. Especially Lowie. He knew before me, too."

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

"That's gotta feel weird," John replied. "You sound pretty good though."

[solo_sword]

"I think I'm still in shock," Jaina admitted. "I don't even really know where to start with all of it. Or what I'm supposed to say to him." Guess who hadn't managed to record a message back.

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

"You say hi?" John had no clue. "You planning to tell him about this summer?"

[solo_sword]

There was a slight pause, and even without him in the room she was finding her boots nicely interesting. "I know I have to. But I have no idea how I'm supposed to tell him that," she said. "I thought he was dead, and he had to to let me believe that so I didn't get us both killed. And because he I thought he was dead, I went on a rampage. He shouldn't have to hear that."

Guilt, guilt, guilt.

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

John sighed, "You say rampage like you murdered tens of thousands. You made some poor choices but you moved on. Jacen will understand." Unless he's like that Nemesis jackass and yeah, John wasn't all that happy about this Jacen news.

[solo_sword]

"I turned to the dark side. And Jacen's the one who stopped using the Force to avoid the dark side when he was in no real danger of it," she pointed out. And she didn't think he'd judge her, she just didn't want him to feel to blame for it. "And I... just wasn't in a good place."

Angry and sort of suicidal never was.

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

"No. No you weren't," John agreed.

[solo_sword]

"He just got out of Vong captivity. Given what they did on Myrkr, I know it had to be horrible for him. And he had to deal with losing Anakin same as I did. I just don't want to make things worse."

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

John couldn't help frowning at her over this. "Maybe this isn't a question I should be asking here, but why the hell aren't you on your way to see him now? And no, I don't care what Kre'fey wants and I'm honestly kind of surprised that you do."

[solo_sword]

"Because I don't want to crowd him. Because I do have a duty here and taking time to make sure my pilots get some more training is important and Jacen understands that. Because of everything I've just been babbling at you about."

That last part was a little more honest than she probably would have gotten if he'd been there to be looking at her when she said it.

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

There was something off about what she was saying. "Jaina, you got another chance with your brother." Even if he wondered about that. "Don't blow this by freaking out and blaming your duty."

[solo_sword]

"I'm not blowing this, okay?" she said, sighing. "And I'm not freaking out. It's okay. And I know Jacen believes that, too."

Which, she realized, was nice to know.

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

"Okay," John drawled the word out slowly, rolling his eyes and not having a clue what was going through her head.

[solo_sword]

"You don't get it," she said flatly, not really needing that spelled out for her.

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

"Is it important that I get it?" John wondered.

[solo_sword]

"I kind of think it is," Jaina said slowly. "I have to get things in order. In a lot of different ways. And I have to be responsible about my job, and to all the people under me, not just one person. Basically... it's not about me."

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

John was listening and processing and it took him a moment to formulate a reply. "I get that, but I can't say I fully agree with it. How is it not about you if they pulled you out there for personal matters? I think that makes it at least partially about you, Jaina."

[solo_sword]

"Partially, sure. But I know what it is they called me out here to know, and now they're going to use me because I'm needed while I'm here. If Jacen needs my help, I'll come running, but he doesn't, and he's got enough to recover from without my issues, and I don't need to see him to know he's okay, that's ingrained in me," she told him. "I don't know if I can explain it to you."

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

"That sounded like an explanation to me," he said.

[solo_sword]

"Did it help?"

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

"I think so." He still didn't agree.

[solo_sword]

It did worry her some, considering how she and her family needed to work these days, but the fact that he tried to get it was a lot. "Okay. So, uh, I should probably go. I don't think I'll be here long, but that means I need to do as much as I can while I am."

In reality, she sort of didn't want to chance arguing.

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

It really didn't make much sense for her to be wasting time talking to him when she could be working, given what she'd just told him. "That's probably a good idea. Let me know how things go." He might just let it trickle through to voicemail.

[solo_sword]

"I will," she nodded. Though she'd probably still rather talk to him, but time passed for her quickly enough that she'd probably be in an entirely different mood. "Bye, John."