Jaina Solo Fel (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
solo_sword) wrote2009-01-17 09:58 am
solo_sword) wrote2009-01-17 09:58 am
Entry tags:
Mon Calamari, Saturday Fandom time
Jaina didn't see the point to having a Knighting ceremony when she was already a Jedi Knight, but she understood the need to put on a symbolic little show. And she still had to wear her damn dress uniform on request from Cal Omas.
And it clearly wasn't anything Luke himself had planned. It really was, in every sense of the word, a show. There were drums. There was an orchestra. There were theatrics. It was all for the cameras, something that would get broadcast to the galaxy via HoloNet for everyone to see in their homes- assuming they were lucky enough to be on a planet where their home still existed- so that the public at large could be reassured that the Jedi were back and there was hope, or something.
Despite the fact that there really wasn't much genuine about it, the bit where they celebrated the dead did get to Jaina. Ulaha, Bela, Krasov, Eryl, Jovan, and Raynar had all been lost on Myrkr, not a single one peaceably, not deservedly. They'd been friends, colleagues, but Jaina knew how to compartmentalize those sorts of losses by now. But it was Ganner Rhysode that caused that horrible sad, guilty feeling in her. She'd yelled and threatened in their last meeting, but by going and doing the exact opposite of what she'd said, he'd helped bring Jacen back. And died doing it. Then when they got to Anakin, the lump had barely risen in her throat when she felt Jacen reach out to her in the Force, and she'd never been happier to have that connection.
For the rest of the time, though, she just tried not to look too bored, and when they finally got to calling out names of the "new Jedi Knights", Jaina was just glad that meant it was almost over. And it wasn't a big thing; Luke would call them up, they'd remove their lightsaber, have the Masters put the new robe on them and then tie the lightsaber back on. He added his own thing to it, though, saying something privately that Jaina couldn't hear to each of them before pulling the cowl over their head and moving on to the next one. That was most definitely Luke's touch.
Jaina was the last called, thus ensuring that she had no idea how they were being called as Jacen should have been last if they really wanted to make it symbolic. It was Kenth Hamner and Kyp who robed her, and while she knew it was because they were the pilots, she liked that choice of Masters.
Luke placed his hands on her shoulders, looked straight at her... and what came next was completely unexpected and didn't actually really sound like Luke.
"I name you Sword of the Jedi. You are like tempered steel, purposeful and razor-keen. Always you shall be in the front rank, a burning brand to your enemies, a brilliant fire to your friends. Yours is a restless life, and never shall you know peace, though you shall be blessed for the peace that you bring to others. Take comfort n the fact that, though you stand tall and alone, others take shelter in the shadow that you cast."
A moment later he seemed to shake it off, but Jaina was still staring in horror. She'd expected to hear something about working too hard and maybe a little about her brush with the dark side.
Whether others had heard, she didn't know, but there was a long silence before Luke pulled her cowl over her head, and Jaina stepped back in line, again feeling that little touch from Jacen, but shaking it off this time. She needed a minute.
Maybe more than a minute.
*****
Cal threw a reception afterwards, which was exactly the sort of social function Jaina didn't want to deal with. She did seriously consider just using it as a chance to get really, really drunk, but after more than a couple people came up to her to find out what Luke had said, she abandoned that plan before starting it and just grabbed a plate of food. This way, whenever someone started asking questions, she could conveniently be eating. For the whole time they were waiting for an answer, until they got the point and walked away.
She was ready when she saw Jacen approach her. "If this is about what Uncle Luke said, I don't want to talk about it."
"Then let's not," he said, reaching to take a pastry from her plate. "I thought we should congratulate each other."
He was lying and she knew it. He wanted to talk. She'd had to deal with that sort of thing her whole life, and it seemed to happen more on this trip. "Congratulations," she said, still not buying it.
"Congratulations, sis."
Of course, as soon as Jacen had tasted the pastry, she couldn't help but smile at his horrified expression. She even pounded him on the back when he started coughing. "Vile, aren't they? I think the caterer must be a Vratix."
"He's in the pay of the Yuuzhan Vong. He's trying to poison all the Jedi along with the high command." He took a sip of his drink, and when he'd swallowed, he sounded better, at least. "Can we do this congratulations thing again? I have a feeling we wrong-footed it the first time."
While she knew he couldn't have planned that, she did feel more comfortable now. She even put the plate down on a table, though she was willing to grab it the first time she thought it was necessary. This left her free to give him a hug, kissing his cheek., "Congratulations."
"Congratulations," he returned, and then backed away. "You've always been my best friend, you know."
"And you've been mine." She honestly didn't think she'd ever get sick of being able to say that to him.
"What are you doing tomorrow?" Jacen asked. "I don't know how much of this planet you've seen, but we could go-"
The bad thing was, they hadn't had a lot of time just being the two of them. Their entire family save for Ben was there, and all the Jedi, and there were politics to be dealt with and she'd spent time with John when he arrived and Jacen had been spending time with Danni... Jaina interrupted him by shaking her head. "I'm gone as of tomorrow."
She couldn't miss the surprise radiating from him at that. "Why are you leaving now?"
"I was on a special mission from Kre'fey. It's over. I've got his Jedi, and then it's back to Fandom."
"You're on a two-week furlough," he insisted. "I've seen the datapads. They're on the table in the room we're sharing."
Like she got to have a real vacation ever. "I've learned some new tactics since I've been here- one of them Dad's slingshot maneuver. We've got a bunch of new Jedi to integrate into the command system. I've got to get back to things as normal."
"From another galaxy."
Jaina nodded. "It's weird, but I can figure some things out better there. There aren't distractions, and with the way time moves faster here, it means I can keep working and have some momentum going for me." It also meant she spent way too much of her time doing war-related things from a peaceful galaxy. "Obroa-skai happened because I planned it from Fandom. Here, there's... politics and too much time not doing anything."
"Every moment you're here, the Yuuzhan Vong are getting stronger." Which, of course, he'd heard from her. She thought she'd pissed him off with that one, too.
"That's right. Besides, you heard Uncle Luke. I'm the Sword of the Jedi," she said. It still didn't sit right with her. The words didn't seem right about her. He'd really confirmed things she'd already known, but if the Force was speaking through him to make it her job... well, there wasn't a lot of hope for her. "Peace is not my job."
"The Yuuzhan Vong may be getting stronger while you're here. But if you don't get some time to relax, I don't see you getting stronger at all."
She didn't need to get stronger, she needed to get sharper. "It's not just me. I've got eleven other pilots in my squadron to look after, and half of them are rookies, and if I don't beat them to pieces in training, the Vong are going to blow them to pieces in combat," she countered, and shrugged. "It's all right, you know. I've accepted my own death."
In retrospect, it was probably not the best thing for her to say to her twin brother, who'd also lost a brother to this war and had, in a way, come back from the dead himself. That did a really good job of freaking him out. "You haven't- You haven't felt your death in the Force?"
"No. But I can count," she replied, entirely calm. "I can count the enemy, and I can count the number of battles before we can hope to end the war, and the number of shots that are going to be fired my way in those battles. I don't have to do anything wrong to be killed. I don't even have to make a mistake. All that I need to do is be there long enough, and it'll happen." She looked up at him, saw the look on his face, but she knew he'd be okay. When she did die, he was going to be the one closest to it. She knew that from her own experience now. At least he'd be prepared.
Jaina offered him a little half-smile and touched his shoulder. "But it's all right," she said. "It's what I've sworn to do. All that will happen is I'll join the Force, and I'm part of the Force already, so with luck I'll hardly even notice the change."
"All life is precious. All life is unique," Jacen insisted. "You shouldn't just throw yours away."
"Anni Capstan was precious and unique. So was Ulaha Kore. So was Anakin. Uniqueness isn't a protection. And I'm not throwing anything away. I'm just looking at the odds, and I'm not arrogant enough to believe that I'm an exception when so many of our friends aren't. There is no death, there is the Force. Didn't we all just say that? I'm not just saying it, I'm living it."
"Don't cut us off from you," he said, and of course he knew exactly what she was doing. "We need you, too."
She did feel badly. She hadn't known why she thought he would take it better. "When you need me, I'll do my best to be there," she said softly. "That's a promise. That's being a Jedi, too."
Fixing him with another little smile, she excused herself to find John, needing some distraction.
[Dialogue more or less taken from Destiny's Way by Walter Jon Williams. The happy was nice for like, a day.]
And it clearly wasn't anything Luke himself had planned. It really was, in every sense of the word, a show. There were drums. There was an orchestra. There were theatrics. It was all for the cameras, something that would get broadcast to the galaxy via HoloNet for everyone to see in their homes- assuming they were lucky enough to be on a planet where their home still existed- so that the public at large could be reassured that the Jedi were back and there was hope, or something.
Despite the fact that there really wasn't much genuine about it, the bit where they celebrated the dead did get to Jaina. Ulaha, Bela, Krasov, Eryl, Jovan, and Raynar had all been lost on Myrkr, not a single one peaceably, not deservedly. They'd been friends, colleagues, but Jaina knew how to compartmentalize those sorts of losses by now. But it was Ganner Rhysode that caused that horrible sad, guilty feeling in her. She'd yelled and threatened in their last meeting, but by going and doing the exact opposite of what she'd said, he'd helped bring Jacen back. And died doing it. Then when they got to Anakin, the lump had barely risen in her throat when she felt Jacen reach out to her in the Force, and she'd never been happier to have that connection.
For the rest of the time, though, she just tried not to look too bored, and when they finally got to calling out names of the "new Jedi Knights", Jaina was just glad that meant it was almost over. And it wasn't a big thing; Luke would call them up, they'd remove their lightsaber, have the Masters put the new robe on them and then tie the lightsaber back on. He added his own thing to it, though, saying something privately that Jaina couldn't hear to each of them before pulling the cowl over their head and moving on to the next one. That was most definitely Luke's touch.
Jaina was the last called, thus ensuring that she had no idea how they were being called as Jacen should have been last if they really wanted to make it symbolic. It was Kenth Hamner and Kyp who robed her, and while she knew it was because they were the pilots, she liked that choice of Masters.
Luke placed his hands on her shoulders, looked straight at her... and what came next was completely unexpected and didn't actually really sound like Luke.
"I name you Sword of the Jedi. You are like tempered steel, purposeful and razor-keen. Always you shall be in the front rank, a burning brand to your enemies, a brilliant fire to your friends. Yours is a restless life, and never shall you know peace, though you shall be blessed for the peace that you bring to others. Take comfort n the fact that, though you stand tall and alone, others take shelter in the shadow that you cast."
A moment later he seemed to shake it off, but Jaina was still staring in horror. She'd expected to hear something about working too hard and maybe a little about her brush with the dark side.
Whether others had heard, she didn't know, but there was a long silence before Luke pulled her cowl over her head, and Jaina stepped back in line, again feeling that little touch from Jacen, but shaking it off this time. She needed a minute.
Maybe more than a minute.
*****
Cal threw a reception afterwards, which was exactly the sort of social function Jaina didn't want to deal with. She did seriously consider just using it as a chance to get really, really drunk, but after more than a couple people came up to her to find out what Luke had said, she abandoned that plan before starting it and just grabbed a plate of food. This way, whenever someone started asking questions, she could conveniently be eating. For the whole time they were waiting for an answer, until they got the point and walked away.
She was ready when she saw Jacen approach her. "If this is about what Uncle Luke said, I don't want to talk about it."
"Then let's not," he said, reaching to take a pastry from her plate. "I thought we should congratulate each other."
He was lying and she knew it. He wanted to talk. She'd had to deal with that sort of thing her whole life, and it seemed to happen more on this trip. "Congratulations," she said, still not buying it.
"Congratulations, sis."
Of course, as soon as Jacen had tasted the pastry, she couldn't help but smile at his horrified expression. She even pounded him on the back when he started coughing. "Vile, aren't they? I think the caterer must be a Vratix."
"He's in the pay of the Yuuzhan Vong. He's trying to poison all the Jedi along with the high command." He took a sip of his drink, and when he'd swallowed, he sounded better, at least. "Can we do this congratulations thing again? I have a feeling we wrong-footed it the first time."
While she knew he couldn't have planned that, she did feel more comfortable now. She even put the plate down on a table, though she was willing to grab it the first time she thought it was necessary. This left her free to give him a hug, kissing his cheek., "Congratulations."
"Congratulations," he returned, and then backed away. "You've always been my best friend, you know."
"And you've been mine." She honestly didn't think she'd ever get sick of being able to say that to him.
"What are you doing tomorrow?" Jacen asked. "I don't know how much of this planet you've seen, but we could go-"
The bad thing was, they hadn't had a lot of time just being the two of them. Their entire family save for Ben was there, and all the Jedi, and there were politics to be dealt with and she'd spent time with John when he arrived and Jacen had been spending time with Danni... Jaina interrupted him by shaking her head. "I'm gone as of tomorrow."
She couldn't miss the surprise radiating from him at that. "Why are you leaving now?"
"I was on a special mission from Kre'fey. It's over. I've got his Jedi, and then it's back to Fandom."
"You're on a two-week furlough," he insisted. "I've seen the datapads. They're on the table in the room we're sharing."
Like she got to have a real vacation ever. "I've learned some new tactics since I've been here- one of them Dad's slingshot maneuver. We've got a bunch of new Jedi to integrate into the command system. I've got to get back to things as normal."
"From another galaxy."
Jaina nodded. "It's weird, but I can figure some things out better there. There aren't distractions, and with the way time moves faster here, it means I can keep working and have some momentum going for me." It also meant she spent way too much of her time doing war-related things from a peaceful galaxy. "Obroa-skai happened because I planned it from Fandom. Here, there's... politics and too much time not doing anything."
"Every moment you're here, the Yuuzhan Vong are getting stronger." Which, of course, he'd heard from her. She thought she'd pissed him off with that one, too.
"That's right. Besides, you heard Uncle Luke. I'm the Sword of the Jedi," she said. It still didn't sit right with her. The words didn't seem right about her. He'd really confirmed things she'd already known, but if the Force was speaking through him to make it her job... well, there wasn't a lot of hope for her. "Peace is not my job."
"The Yuuzhan Vong may be getting stronger while you're here. But if you don't get some time to relax, I don't see you getting stronger at all."
She didn't need to get stronger, she needed to get sharper. "It's not just me. I've got eleven other pilots in my squadron to look after, and half of them are rookies, and if I don't beat them to pieces in training, the Vong are going to blow them to pieces in combat," she countered, and shrugged. "It's all right, you know. I've accepted my own death."
In retrospect, it was probably not the best thing for her to say to her twin brother, who'd also lost a brother to this war and had, in a way, come back from the dead himself. That did a really good job of freaking him out. "You haven't- You haven't felt your death in the Force?"
"No. But I can count," she replied, entirely calm. "I can count the enemy, and I can count the number of battles before we can hope to end the war, and the number of shots that are going to be fired my way in those battles. I don't have to do anything wrong to be killed. I don't even have to make a mistake. All that I need to do is be there long enough, and it'll happen." She looked up at him, saw the look on his face, but she knew he'd be okay. When she did die, he was going to be the one closest to it. She knew that from her own experience now. At least he'd be prepared.
Jaina offered him a little half-smile and touched his shoulder. "But it's all right," she said. "It's what I've sworn to do. All that will happen is I'll join the Force, and I'm part of the Force already, so with luck I'll hardly even notice the change."
"All life is precious. All life is unique," Jacen insisted. "You shouldn't just throw yours away."
"Anni Capstan was precious and unique. So was Ulaha Kore. So was Anakin. Uniqueness isn't a protection. And I'm not throwing anything away. I'm just looking at the odds, and I'm not arrogant enough to believe that I'm an exception when so many of our friends aren't. There is no death, there is the Force. Didn't we all just say that? I'm not just saying it, I'm living it."
"Don't cut us off from you," he said, and of course he knew exactly what she was doing. "We need you, too."
She did feel badly. She hadn't known why she thought he would take it better. "When you need me, I'll do my best to be there," she said softly. "That's a promise. That's being a Jedi, too."
Fixing him with another little smile, she excused herself to find John, needing some distraction.
[Dialogue more or less taken from Destiny's Way by Walter Jon Williams. The happy was nice for like, a day.]