solo_sword | Office hours- Monday

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Office hours- Monday

The anxiety that had started coming back upon Jaina's return to Fandom only got worse the closer it got to Tuesday. She knew she had to talk to her grandfather, she had no idea how it would go, and worse, she didn't know her own reaction to it. She didn't like sorting through things like this, so she'd been trying to avoid thinking about it. That was great for her mental state for the last week, but it wasn't so helpful now that the holiday was over.

And Jaina being Jaina, she of course tried to further avoid it via distraction. She'd started up training again yesterday (though that was in part because she was bored out of her ever loving mind), happy to find that while she wasn't 100%, she didn't feel bad save for a few muscle aches after a couple weeks off. Distraction also meant that the class she was working on today was maybe a little more complicated than usual, so... sorry, kids.

To think, her mother had thought she was the least complicated of the kids.

[I feel like posting tonight. Door and post open.]

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After class, John had stopped in his office after someone bitched about his mailbox overflowing. Apparently he was supposed to check it? Who knew.

And really, if he was stopping in his office, he might as well drop by Jaina's to see if she was hungry. He had a spare turkey sandwich or two left from class.

One of which waved at her before he took a bite, leaning in the doorway.

It never failed. Every time Jaina told herself she should distance herself from him in certain ways, he'd lean in a doorway and all bets are off. "Oh look, you remembered where my office is," she said teasingly.

"More like I remembered where mine was," John shared, trying not to chew too grossly, but eh, it was Jaina. She'd seen worse. He swallowed finally and dangled a bag of food in his hand. "I brought you some holiday leftovers."

"I love when you do this," she admitted, waving him in. "Especially when I forgot to eat."

"I knew there had to be a reason you always seem to be hanging around up here on days I teach," John replied, coming in and plopping the bag on the desk in front of her. No, he didn't pay any mind to whatever else was on the desk.

"Good thing I wasn't working on any of that," she said, thanking him anyway as she made room on her desk. "And yes. I stalk 6you for food. It would be the perfect plan if you were ever in your office."

"It's boring in there," John shrugged, taking a seat on a chair. He had manners, he just didn't always choose to use them.

"That's why you come and bother me. Because I'm bored the second I finish class," Jaina said, opening the bag to peek inside.

"Oh, so I'm a bother now?" John feigned hurt. "Then me and my bag of leftovers will just be leaving..."

"Nooo, it's the good kind of bother," she said, but turned more serious as she looked at him. "Actually, I'm glad you came by today."

"I think you're supposed to pretend to be glad I came by every time, but what do I know about these things." Her look did have him wondering if something was going on.

"I am," she assured him, "it's just... Are we at the point where I can talk to you about stuff? Family stuff?" If he wasn't comfortable with it then she'd deal with it, but considering she didn't remember ever asking him to talk before...

"Uh, I think that's allowed," John answered, crossing his legs to get comfy for what he expected to be a complicated story hour. "Let's hear it."

She gave him a little smile of thanks, and waved her hand to close the door, in case that gave him any indication of what kind of talk this was. She was maybe a little weirded out to actually be talking when she hadn't had to in a long time, but it was John. He was one person she always knew she could be open with.

"So about a year ago, Artoo started malfunctioning. Turns out he ended up having all these recordings on him that he was trying to keep from Uncle Luke. To protect him," she explained. "The recordings he was carrying all had to do with what looked like my grandfather's last days before turning to the dark side and becoming Vader. At the time, I was more than a little Killik-focused, and I figured I didn't need to know, that I'd known the man here and that was what counted."

She took a deep breath and said, "And then on my last trip home, I found out what was in those recordings."

"I'm gonna go ahead and guess it wasn't your gramps helping old ladies across the street," John guessed.

"More like killing younglings in the temple and Force choking my pregnant grandmother," Jaina said. "Which explains why everyone was so upset about those recordings..."

"Lovely," John said, shaking his head. "So...this mean you're pissed at him again?"

That was a good question. "I don't know," she said slowly. "I don't know what to feel about it. I know I can't think of him the same way I used to, at least not right now. And I have to talk to him about it, but I have no idea how well that will go, except I'm guessing not at all."

"Well, it's not like you're new to the whole times are different, thing," John pointed out, going for the advice line more than comfort. "It's been years since he did that stuff even if you're just now hearing about it. You surprised he never told you?"

"Yes, because I brought up the recordings and he seemed to have an idea of what they were about," Jaina answered. "In the interest of being completely fair, at the time I thought whatever it was was something everyone would just get over. And you can tell I've been thinking too much about this because I can actually see another side to things."

"And what side is that?" John wondered.

"The side where I can kind of figure out why he didn't say anything," she said with a shrug. "I'm trying to see why he might have thought attacking his wife was a good idea, but I can't. I know I don't have the best handle on my emotions and I've had more than my fair share of dark side issues, especially lately, but I can't see how that would be acceptable to him at all."

Jaina seemed to be missing a key point here. "Well, if he was supposedly going all dark side right then, maybe there's no need to look for reason in his actions."

"But there is a choice that's made when you turn, and I'd say once you've killed a few defenseless children, you've done that," Jaina said. "When I used lightning on that Vong warrior on Myrkr, I knew exactly what I was doing and I chose to kill him and make him suffer. When I was on Tenupe, I could have killed some Chiss soldiers but the second I realized what I was doing, I chose not to give in to that and tried to save them. Maybe I'm trying too hard to be able to relate, but how could someone hurt the person they're supposed to love and not even check to see if they're all right?"

Ask John again in a couple years. "I think that's a question you'll have to ask him."

"Part of me doesn't want to," she confessed. "But I can't not take the opportunity to know."

"You're not gonna like the answers." That was kind of a given.

Jaina sighed. "I know. But at the same time... Jacen apparently didn't have the same issues with all this news that everyone else did. It's worrying. Maybe there is something in my grandfather's answers that will... I don't know, make that better, or something."

There were just all sorts of issues wrapped up in this.

"Good luck with that one," John sighed. "If you're concerned about Jacen, talk to him, not your grandfather."

"Jacen and I are kind of iffy right now. I'm trying to fix things from my end, but it's stilted." She shrugged again, and added, "Have I mentioned that everything's been sort of a mess lately?"

He felt badly for her, he really did. "I hear that's been going around."

She couldn't help but be curious at the phrasing. "Meaning?"

"Meaning life's messy," John explained simply. "Fixing stuff that's wrong is hard. Trust me, I don't have any more answers than you do."

"Don't suppose you could get them, huh?" she asked, trying for light. At the same time, she was sort of glad to hear him say it. It was one thing to think it, but putting it that simply at least meant someone else thought that, even if everyone probably did.

"I could ask around, but bets are you'd have better luck." Because he'd ask Rodney.

"That's a scary thought." Considering the sandwich that she still hadn't touched yet, she asked, "Do you think I'm being unreasonable about this?"

Normally she wouldn't ask, but he knew her better than anyone here. She trusted his opinion and wouldn't ask if of anyone else.

"I think you might be expecting more than you'll get from family," John replied honestly. "But then, you know I don't have the greatest track record with my own."

"Don't think I don't wonder how they are," she said, the corners of her mouth turning up just a little. She'd ended up liking Dave, at least. "All I want is honest answers. An end to all the family secrets that end up hurting everyone anyway. It doesn't sound like a lot." Not that she was getting this. At least not till she found out about her secret niece.

"I dunno, Jaina," John sighed, recrossing his legs. She just seemed too hopeful, which was weird given how he'd always been the hopeful one before. "You think it isn't a lot, but secrets are usually there for a reason."

"Usually because they're just that bad," she frowned, though she saw his point. "I know. And I say this like I'm not the only person in my galaxy who knows I might end up killing my own brother. It just always turns out so badly when the secrets come out."

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Office hours- Monday

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