solo_sword | The mainland- Sunday

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The mainland- Sunday

It was definitely Rory's idea to go out for massages, though Jaina hadn't put up any sort of fight about going. She'd learned long ago from hanging out with Rose that sometimes you just needed to go do something relaxing and maybe even a bit girly, especially on the one free day you had between getting back from a mission and going to teach class. As it turned out, it felt kind of great to be not-tense. It was easy to forget what that felt like sometimes.

Afterward, they decided to hang out for a couple glasses of wine. It wasn't like Jaina was in a big rush to go back to her apartment or anything, and it was nice to be out for a while. "Thanks for inviting me out like this," she said, sipping from her glass.

[For Grandma, and NFB for distance!]

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"Hey, I figure that between the whole teaching thing and the time-warping thing and all the various and sundry things at home, you could probably use a little enforced relaxation time," Rory said with a shrug, happily sipping her own glass. "I mean, all I have to deal with is your alarmingly-mobile aunt, and I was dying for a break."

"Yeah, but my aunt makes noise," Jaina teased. "I'd say having to deal with the sound of crying is a little more worthy of a break."

"The crying I can deal with," Rory said, shaking her head. "It's the fact that she can run now. And she also sort of sucks at stopping, so the whole discovery of brakes process is worthy of a few glasses of wine."

"Oh, she is not allowed to be that big," she decided. "Ignore that in my time she should be about six now. I'm not ready for her to be big enough that padding is needed."

"Oh, god, I'm just going to ignore the fact that she should be six in anyone's time," Rory said, eyes wide. "Especially since that means I should be like twenty-five and I haven't accomplished nearly enough for that."

"You're married, with a toddler, and didn't you just finish college? I don't think you have to worry about not being accomplished enough for twenty-five," Jaina assured her.

"Yeah, but I should like, cure cancer or master time travel or something before twenty-five," Rory decided thoughtfully. "I've got a few years. It could happen!"

"It could," she conceded. "But I didn't do any of that by that age and I'm just fine." Of course, she'd also fought in a war, killed a warmaster while glued to the ground and made it to colonel by then, so she hadn't done too badly for herself.

"You did the mastering time travel thing," Rory accused, shaking her head. "How's that working out, by the way? The whole transition back, and everything."

"It's going okay," Jaina said with a shrug. "I'm going home at the end of the semester, so I'm picking up more missions in the meanwhile. Honestly, it was probably a bad idea professionally to stick around longer, but I'm committed till May, so I'm trying to make the most of it." Which sometimes involved massages.

"Well, you get to make a difference in kids' lives, and all that," Rory offered. "It's probably kind of a nice break from home, too." Less violent-sounding, anyway.

"I do like teaching," she admitted. "And it's something I know I'm not going to get into at home. But I don't know. I came back here for a break from home, and I'm itching to get back into the fight. I wouldn't mind an easier way to see the people here, though. Going between two places and mastering time travel isn't the easiest way to live." But getting shot at, etc. was apparently just fine.

"Especially not when home is all intense and violent, and here you have the possibility of waking up as a raccoon or five years old," Rory added. "Is it weird, having been away and then you come back and -- well, I'd imagine people are a little different, but that's based off my own experiences."

"Home's not all intense and violent, it's just a part of the job I do," she clarified. Overall, things were decent there in part because of what people like her did. "But yeah, coming back was really weird at first. My friends were suddenly ten years younger than me and leaving the island, relatives weren't the age they were supposed to be, I ended up dealing with an ex right after dealing with another ex... It's gotten easier, but it started out really surreal."

"Dealing with an ex alone is traumatic enough without all that other stuff," Rory said, wincing. "Believe me -- an alternate version of one of my ex-boyfriends was in your grandfather's class awhile ago, so I get it. And I mean, it's not like things aren't already surreal enough for you, what with, like, me and your grandfather and Juliet and Ben and the Leia at school and everything. Probably doesn't help to add the other stuff."

Oh, there was definitely something of interest in there. "You had an AU ex in Grandfather's class? How did that go?"

"He was a guy I dated before I ever came to Fandom, but...you know your grandfather," Rory said, making a little face. "Things like Jess ending up with Jar-Jar instead of a baby Ewok happened. Not the most mature response."

"Ahhh. Yeah, I met Jar Jar. I would not wish that on anyone," Jaina said, wincing. "I know John gets... different when Jag comes up in conversation. It doesn't matter that he missed the Jag years altogether, apparently just the fact that there was a serious relationship there is enough."

Rory sighed, shaking her head. "And you guys aren't like...involved now, are you?" she asked carefully. "Because then he has even less of a right to be weird about it."

"No," Jaina said firmly. "I mean, there was sort of something, but I think I was the only one who considered it that, and that's over. I'm not sure if he gets that way because he's never liked Jag, or that he doesn't like that I moved on after him."

"Little bit of column A, little bit of column B, I'd bet," Rory offered. "He's predisposed to dislike Jag, just 'cause he's not him, you know? But the fact of the matter is that he doesn't really have a right to make you feel uncomfortable about anything, especially if he's moved on, too."

"I don't think he tries to make me uncomfortable," Jaina said. Part of her wondered why she was talking about this willingly, but Rory was easy to talk to, and until now, she really hadn't been able to talk about any of this to anyone. "It's just a messed-up situation, and there are times I'm not sure he has moved on, even if he acts like it... All the more reason to not keep things going that way."

"Do you guys still talk regularly?" she hedged, trying not to overstep her bounds here. "'Cause that might be affecting things, too."

Jaina took another sip from her glass, giving her time to think back. "We used to. Now I run into him at the gym or Caritas sometimes, but it's not the same. I don't think I've really talked to him since... Thanksgiving? I've wanted to talk things over, but he doesn't want to." And she did have to wonder if that was why she always had to be the one to go see him.

"Of course he doesn't want to. Sign of guilt," Rory said, raising a brow. "I'm not saying he is guilty of anything, but there's something he feels bad about. Or else having a real conversation with you is going to disrupt his status quo, which if that's the case then he should feel bad." She shook her head. "I mean, do you want to chase him down and make him talk about stuff? Is it like, a closure thing?"

"I think having that conversation with me would make him face up to things he doesn't want to," Jaina said flatly. "He hasn't done anything wrong. I mean, it'd be nice if I could talk to him and see if that ended in us seeing where things went, sure. But- and I know this probably sounds bad- I think the lack of a talk is my closure."

"It is?" Rory asked, arching a brow. Because that had always been her problem with Jess, that they hadn't really had that closure, and it bothered her then. "Because you know how things went on your end, and you can remember things as they were?"

"No, I think that was actually my problem," Jaina said, sort of still working this out. "When I left, I was really confused as to what was going on or where we stood, and I was stuck with that for years. And I won't say that that didn't play into the next longterm, long distance relationship I got into. And I have gotten some answers, and been able to see things from a new perspective. I know that I tried, and what happened wasn't because I wasn't enough or did something wrong. I actually could be friends with him without wanting something more now."

"Do you think that's the case with him?" Rory asked, sipping her wine. "Or is this a case where he won't let you guys be friends because it keeps getting weird?"

"No idea. We were fine when I first got back. He still hit on me, but it wasn't a big deal when I turned him down," she said. "I'm not sure if that's changed. I hope it hasn't. He's someone I'd like to have in my life, even if we're not together."

"But it sounds like a couple steps need to be taken before having him in your life is a viable prospect?" Rory ventured. "Like, that conversation maybe does need to happen. Do you know how he's looking at things?"

"I have an idea, sort of, just putting together things he's said." Plus she knew he had problems she hadn't been able to approach him about that might play into it. "Which is why I don't think that conversation will ever happen. And it's not like I want to force him into anything by having it, I just want to know where things stand so I know how to proceed. But if we can't have it, then..."

"Then you don't know where things stand," Rory sighed. "So...is it awkward? When you do talk, I mean, since things are up in the air?"

"It doesn't feel awkward, per se. It's like something's missing right now," Jaina said. "It just feels like we're not us when we do talk, and I don't like that. Especially if I'm only around for a few months; I'd rather be able to talk and have fun with him. Platonically."

"It might never be the same, Jaina," Rory offered, shrugging. "I mean, especially if he's all...avoidy about it. He might just not be where you are."

"Oh, I know. It sucks, but I know. Sometimes I think I went about things better with Jag. We broke up, and for two years we had nothing to do with each other," Jaina said. "Of course that didn't turn out so well, either. And people wonder why I say I'm done with guys."

"To be honest, that's how I usually do things," Rory admitted. "Kinda ensures those boundaries get established, you know? I mean, of course you know. And I don't blame you for being done. Sounds like enough to drive anyone off men. Or dating in general."

"You know, you're the first person to tell me that? It's kind of refreshing," Jaina said. "Part of me wouldn't exactly mind being able to go out and have fun with someone for a few hours with no expectations, but that doesn't seem to happen in Fandom, and my life at home really isn't built for that."

"Look, I married really young, and I know that's the exception, not the rule," Rory said, shrugging. "Seriously, you're in your twenties, you just came off a breakup followed by a breakup followed by ex drama. You should be out having fun and not like, jumping into another commitment."

[INTERNET, NEVER LEAVE ME AGAIN.]

Edited 2011-02-03 23:05 (UTC)

"Technically it's ex drama followed by ex drama, but yes, thank you," she said, so relieved by this whole conversation. "I know it's people wanting me to be happy and settled, but my job doesn't mesh with commitment anyway." And it likely wouldn't mesh with fun come May, but until then, she could make some little effort.

"Happy doesn't always mean settled," Rory said with a little smile. "Nothing wrong with that."

"We have a special view of settled, I think," Jaina admitted. "Like my parents haven't had an actual home in nine years, but they have each other and don't need much else. They're partners, and they're always going to have each other's back. That kind of settled." And truth be told, Jaina wanted that for herself, but saving the galaxy was always going to trump that, so she dealt with missing out.

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The mainland- Sunday

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