Maitell base- Kashyyyk- Wednesday Fandom time

[solo_sword]

Ever since Mara died, 100% of Jaina's focus had been on training, on getting better, on honing her skills, on thinking that all she had to do was take out the other person and it didn't matter what happened to her. Maybe it had been some protective thing, trying to avoid what she'd been like after Anakin died, who knew. And now that it was out there, she was really pretty upset about it: not because Jag was mean (he'd done the right thing) or because people knew (they'd find out she intended to face Jacen eventually) but because with it out there she had to deal with it and she simply didn't know how to face it.

She wasn't really inclined to go against Jag's orders, but with training off the table she just didn't know what to do with herself. Games couldn't hold her focus, and so she'd resorted to the same thing she did when she was a kid to cope: she'd found her astromech, located the area Jag had been using to work on his suit, and borrowed his tools to work on tinkering with her droid. It was a different way for her to focus, using different skills than just the physical, and after a while of it she'd actually begun to feel better.

Better enough to reach out to people for the first time since before Ossus and send a quick text reading Still alive, I promise.

She had no idea how much longer that might be true, but for the moment...


[Open for calls and texts and such! If you think you got the text, you did.]

Comments

[momslilassassin]

THANK THE FORCE FOR THAT ANSWER YOUR PHONE NEXT TIME

So Ben had been a little fretful. Shhh.

[solo_sword]

Oops.

Sorry about that. Things have been crazy.

Vaaaast understatement.

[momslilassassin]

How crazy?

[solo_sword]

Well, Jacen set a planet on fire, among other things.

[momslilassassin]

There was a long, guilty pause.

Kashyyyk?

[solo_sword]

Yeah. He really is completely out of control, isnt he?

It'd actually scare her more if he wasn't and he was still doing this.

[momslilassassin]

Then this wouldn't be the most reassuring response ever.

Not exactly, no.

[solo_sword]

Jaina frowned at her phone.

Not what I wanted to hear.

[momslilassassin]

Didnt really think it would be, Ben admitted. Hows dad?

[solo_sword]

About as injured as Ive ever seen him. Not great overall.

Now that she was thinking clearly she felt bad that she hadn't checked in on Luke more.

[momslilassassin]

Jacen packs a punch, Ben replied a little bitterly. ...it was him, right?

[solo_sword]

Yeah. If I had any idea this was happening while you were going through it...

One thing she really didn't like about removing that focused tunnel vision was apparently feeling guilty over things from years ago that she completely couldn't have controlled.

[momslilassassin]

Yeah. Thats why I didnt say anything. Not exactly my finest moments.

[solo_sword]

I mean there would have been SO MANY MORE HUGS.

[momslilassassin]

It said something about Ben's state of mind that hugs hadn't been the first reaction on his mind.

Oh. Oh! Give them to the other Ben. He needs them.

[solo_sword]

I will.

And then, And stop beating yourself up about what went on. Trust me, its not your fault.

[momslilassassin]

Some of it was, Ben insisted.

[solo_sword]

You were 14 and in a horrible position. Gotta tell you- not seeing it.

[momslilassassin]

I told the weapons people to fire on the cities.

There. That was guilt that had been crushing him for years.

[solo_sword]

While that was definitely surprising new information, as far as Jaina was concerned, it didn't change anything. And it still meant people under Jacen's command were taking orders from a kid and maybe one of them should have gone "Um, wait."

And you shouldnt have been in the position to be able to.

A moment later, she decided if he was admitting it, maybe he'd talk about it some.

Why'd you order it?

[momslilassassin]

Its where the fire departments were. Easier to contain the damage--wouldnt set the entire planet on fire like wildfires in the middle of nowhere.

[solo_sword]

...She would not have thought of that.

So you gave the order trying to minimize damage that would have happened anyway and otherwise been much worse.

[momslilassassin]

By firing on heavily populated areas. Pretty sure the Wookiees wont be throwing me a parade.

[solo_sword]

Thats war. Theres always collateral damage. You do what you have to do and know you did the best you could with what you had.

She knew from experience. Lots and lots of- She should probably say that.

Trust the veteran on this one.

[momslilassassin]

Doesnt make it easier to sleep at night though, does it.