Jaina Solo Fel (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
solo_sword) wrote2008-08-07 09:13 pm
solo_sword) wrote2008-08-07 09:13 pm
Entry tags:
- *adds to death count*,
- canon is too concerned with my love life,
- canon peeps: isolder,
- canon peeps: jag,
- canon peeps: kyp,
- canon peeps: ta'a chume,
- canon peeps: tenel ka,
- canon peeps: tsavong lah,
- catchup: dark journey,
- evil: should i be wearing leather pants?,
- gffa: hapes,
- holding out for empress but thanks,
- home,
- my destiny sucks,
- njo,
- this is how i got my username
Hapes, Thursday Fandom time
It wasn't too surprising that Ta'a Chume called her for yet another meeting when the celebration was over, but to say Jaina had been expecting this conversation could not have been a bigger lie. "You've done extremely well," Ta'a Chume began, "but the Yuuzhan Vong will be back. It's time that you knew my mind. I want Teneniel Djo off the throne and Isolder to marry a queen capable of ruling during war."
"Unless you want me to help Teneniel Djo pack, I have no idea why you're telling me this," Jaina said. She'd sort of passed the point of letting Ta'a Chume go through all her twists and turns in a conversation. She was too busy to deal with that now.
"I've often thought of how frustrating it must have been to always labor in the shadow of a famous mother."
And here they went again. "A torpedo is launched, but no target is in sight," Jaina said, frowning.
"The target is very obvious. This is a common concern for young women in your position."
"It's the sort of thing that crosses your mind, sure, but war has a way of making adolescent angst seem petty." Sure, she had that, too, but it sort of took a backseat at the moment to things of a more galactic level.
"But pettiness does not end with adolescence.," said Ta'a Chume. "No doubt you've noticed Tenel Ka's recent hostility towards you."
"We've had our differences. There's a lot of that going around among the Jedi."
"When did my granddaughter become concerned with philosophy? No, Tenel Ka is prompted by a fear of being replaced by someone more worthy."
Yeah, Jaina knew that wasn't a concern of Tenel Ka's. It said something either about her level of comfort in this sort of situation or her extreme frustration right now that she put her fingers to her temples and rubbed. "Someone like my mother, I suppose. Is that what you're preparing me for?" she asked. "If so, I don't follow the logic. Instead of Princess Leia's daughter, I'd be Queen Leia's heir. Not exactly coming out of the shadows, if that's what you're concerned about."
"You misunderstand, my dear," said Ta'a Chume with a smile. "In these brutal times, Hapes needs a warrior queen- not Teneniel, not Tenel Ka, not Princess Leia. A queen who seeks to understand the enemy, and attack boldly."
Suddenly it clicked. And the absolute absurdity of what she was offering had Jaina cracking up laughing. "I can just picture my father's reaction to the idea. We're talking about Han Solo here- I'm surprised your ambassadors didn't have to kill him in self-defense!" Yet another reason she loved her father.
"This is quiet serious," said Ta'a Chume, smile gone.
It took a lot of willpower for Jaina to regain her composure. "I can see that. I didn't mean to offend- really, even the suggestion is an enormous honor. But I'm just not interested."
"Why not?"
"Why not? For starters, I'm too young. Second, if I were ready to get married, I'm sure my boyfriend would already be freaking out right now." And that was for that implied virgin crack she hadn't forgotten about.
Though Ta'a Chume's eyebrows raised, she ignored that second part. "Nonsense," she said. "You're eighteen, about the age your mother was when she set her heart on an older man."
Jaina didn't remind her that the age difference between her own parents was roughly a decade. The age difference between herself and Isolder was roughly three, and the reason he was old enough to be her father was because her mother had nearly been engaged to him. The fact that Ta'a Chume didn't see anything wrong with this sort of boggled. "Speaking of my father, how many days did your ambassadors spend in a bacta tank?" Jaina wondered.
"I'm sure he'll come around to the idea. He is a reasonable man."
"He's never been accused of that before," Jaina said. "But that's neither here nor there. I don't know about Hapan customs, but no one tells me who to marry. Not my parents, not my friends."
"And not me," Ta'a Chume finished. "At least consider it."
"Of course," Jaina nodded, though she never would.
When she left the Palace, she went looking for Jag. She wanted to question him further on the attack on her father, and was disappointed not to find him anywhere. Instead, she went back to her room, shutting the door and desperately needing the silence now that she had bigger thoughts in her head than she'd kind counted on. For the first time she really considered her comlink, not for the previous reasons, but because she sort of wanted to either laugh (some more) or cry and she couldn't do that with anyone here.
What she actually did was take a seat on the floor, closed her eyes, and tried meditating instead. She didn't do this often, but every once in a while it became a really good idea.
After a moment, a vision began to clear, one of a small girl in a brown jumpsuit holding an unfamiliar lightsaber, and Jaina was surprised to recognize the girl as herself. She was younger than she was now- fourteen, she'd guess- and as she sank deeper into the Force, she recognized the setting as that of the Shadow Academy, along with the tall black-clad figure with the red lightsaber headed her way.
She knew what was happening. She knew who was really under under the mask, and it was horrifying to be living through it again. But she was more aware than he of what was happening, and when he struck, she had to defend herself. They dueled, and though Jaina had to give the fight everything she had, he'd always been better at this and it showed.
She was also still fighting with the skill of her untrained, fourteen-year-old self, so when she finally landed a blow, it was purely by accident.
When he fell, she rushed to his side, dropping her lightsaber and desperately trying to pull off the helmet, praying that there would be someone else's face, anyone else's face, under it.
And when it did turn out to be Jacen, she got to her feet, stepping back in shock. That hadn't just happened, no matter how real it felt. She didn't just kill her brother. She pulled her own helmet off, watched it drop the ground and roll toward Jacen's body, and saw Kyp's face staring out at her from inside it. She could see his lips moving, but couldn't hear a word...
She came out of the vision suddenly, breathing heavily and for a moment she wasn't really aware that Kyp was actually there. In her room. Again. "You brought me out of the trance," she said finally. "Why?"
Crouching before her, he reached a hand to her shoulder. "Maybe I have some sense of what you were going through."
She really didn't want to be touched right now, and shrugged him off. Still, it didn't take a genius to understand what the vision meant. Which was probably why she found herself needing to give an explanation. "I never had the problems that Jacen and Anakin did with the Force," she said slowly. "They debated its true nature, and struggled to understand what it was to be a Jedi. I just did what needed to be done. Up to now, that has always been enough. Now I'm being forced to question, and to choose."
Kyp didn't ask, except by not asking, and she went on, "Ta'a Chume wants Teneniel Djo fired from being queen, and she wants me to replace her."
He seemed to be trying to run that image in his mind. He probably failed. "Is that all."
"I'm not considering it," Jaina assured him, "but it made me think. The queen mother operates behind a line I'm not willing to cross."
"Which begs the question of what your parameters are," Kyp inferred.
"Exactly. And I realize that I've crossed a number of lines."
"I've crossed a few myself," he admitted. "It's hard not to- the vapin' things keep moving."
Jaina allowed a tiny smile, but said, "This is a decision point: I can back out now, or I can move forward and push this offensive as far as it will take me."
He watched her, but knew her choice. "You're going to continue, whatever it costs you."
"I don't see any other way," Jaina said. She was aware that she'd been doing some seriously questionable things since Myrkr, but there had never been any decision made to turn to the dark side. She'd simply reacted to things that were happening, which yes, would signify a fall. But she could come back from it now. The problem was, the things she'd done were questionable, but it worked. Her methods had saved lives. She really was doing some good. She just also knew what it would cost her in the end, and if it meant others were safe because she'd put herself on the line to help defeat the Vong... Well, then her life would be forfeit, and she'd be all right with that.
"Did you find the answers you sought?" Kyp wondered.
She opened her mouth to answer, but stopped when she realized that she knew exactly where Jag was. She didn't question it, deciding that he'd been on her mind previously, and she was still more open to the Force than usual, and she just knew they had to get to him.
Latching on to his sense, she was able to lead Kyp to the chamber in the underlevels of the Palace, exactly where her vision showed him to be. It was absolutely no problem at this point to pick the lock to his cell and take out the guards, either. It was nice to have a small problem for once.
As they hurried out of there, Jaina asked, "How did you get yourself down here?"
Jag shot her a strange little glance. She'd forgotten briefly that their short encounter before the ceremony had ended in them being annoyed with each other again because Jaina had chosen to misunderstand a compliment. "After the battle, Shawnkyr took me aside and warned me that in implying that I'd honor you as a commander, I was putting my pilots in the service of Hapes' future queen. That I was taking sides in a coming coup."
Jaina winced. "Your Chiss friend must have overheard some of Ta'a Chume's people talking about it."
"That's right," Jag said, a little coldly. "Congratulations, Lieutenant. Or would 'Your Majesty' be more appropriate?"
"These days she prefers 'Trickster'," Kyp advised. "What's a queen, next to a Yuuzhan Vong goddess?"
"Don't help me," Jaina implored with a glare. "This queen business is ridiculous. It wasn't my idea."
"The queen's retainers were of the impression that you were another Ta'a Chume, an ambitious woman who would gladly seize this opportunity," Jag went on, and wow was it sobering to hear someone else's opinions of you. "They also spoke of eliminating obstacles, a job they were hired to do."
She stopped, grabbing him by the arm. "Does this have anything to do with my father?"
"That was my impression, too. I sought out Han's assailants; ambassadors who went to negotiate a marriage between Prince Isolder and yourself. I feel certain that Han was not attacked so much as subdued."
Jaina shook her head impatiently. "I know all this, but I don't understand why you were detained."
"I was stopped on my way to find and warn Tenel Ka," Jag said. Looked like he'd made a friend. "You're of legal age and don't require your parents' permission. If you wish to marry Isolder, no one can stop you. Logically speaking, what would this obstacle be but Queen Mother Teneniel Djo?"
They got there too late. When the trio arrived at the queen mother's quarters, they found Tenel Ka sitting with her mother, holding her hand and not looking up at them. She knew they were there, though, and quietly explained, "Poison. They did not even give her the dignity of a final battle."
It was both due to her own guilt over her role in this, and just plain sympathy for her friend's loss that Jaina went over to Tenel Ka and laid a hand on her shoulder. "We'll find whoever did this," she promised.
Tenel Ka looked up at her, eyes flashing. "I will not have my mother's life dishonored by your vengeance."
The words cut Jaina harder than she would have thought. It hadn't even occurred to her that anyone could think that. "Is that what you think this is about? Do you think I'm dishonoring Anakin? Jacen?"
Before she had a chance to hear the answer, the invasion alert sounded. Looked like Jaina's tricks had only kept the Vong away so long.
*****
Jaina would have much rathered going with Jag to the docking bay to get ready for the fight, but her presence was requested at the council chamber of the Hapan court first. She went along with Tenel Ka, not understanding why she had to be here. It wasn't her place at all, and she'd turned down the kriffing job. She wanted to do her job.
Court was already in session when they arrived, and Ta'a Chume was standing before them, watching them both for a moment before removing the crown from her head and handing it to Isolder.
And suddenly Jaina got it. If Isolder offered her the crown now, in front of everyone, with an invasion just about to begin, she couldn't turn it down. She'd be stuck.
Tenel Ka turned to Jaina when they reached the front of the audience chamber. "There are times when personal inclinations must be put aside," she said softly. "I will take up my mother's crown, and I will defend it if I must. But for now, we have a common foe."
It couldn't have been an easy decision for her. Tenel Ka had never wanted her title, never wanted to be a queen, but her mother was dead and the only other option would be to let Jaina have it, and Tenel Ka had apparently been seeing her for what she was longer. If Jaina accepted it, she wouldn't survive too long. Either she'd do something to displease Ta'a Chume enough to end up like Teneniel Djo, or she'd let the former queen mother mold her too well, and Tenel Ka wouldn't let Hapes suffer because of someone's bent on vengeance.
And Jaina couldn't fault her for it. She just nodded and said, "Let's go."
Tenel Ka didn't give her father the chance to choose. She walked up to him, dropped to one knee, and with a smile and without hesitation, he placed the crown upon her head.
The Hapan people weren't generally fans of Jedi, and they'd just been given another Jedi queen, but they applauded anyway. Hopefully it had less to do with propriety and more to do with the fact that they'd gotten the right one. Tenel Ka cut off the applause with a wave of her hand. "I am a warrior, a daughter of warrior women," she said. "Teneniel Djo foresaw the Yuuzhan Vong threat and prepared. Shipyards hidden in the Transitory Mists have rebuilt much of the fleet lost at Fondor. These ships are on their way. Go, and fight, and know that Hapes is strong."
Tenel Ka stepped forward towards Jaina, both of them falling into step and speeding up slightly until they were both running for the battle, applause far behind them.
Jag had been put in command, and he had plenty of pilots volunteering to fly under him. She acknowledged both him and Kyp in turn before heading straight for the Trickster. There. One crisis averted, now on to this one. She was weirdly calm about it.
Kyp wasn't far behind her, starting with, "Whatever you're planning, forget it."
She stared at him from the pilot's seat, not sure how he knew anything. With the way her shields were up, he shouldn't have had any idea. It would terrify her if he somehow knew her that well.
"I get the feeling you're about to go toss your life away, sacrificing yourself as Anakin did. Not long ago, you told me that Anakin might have had the answers. We can't let them just disappear into the mist along with you," he said.
Jaina blinked a couple times as she realized what he was saying. "Don't put that on me. You really think that I'm on a journey to discover what the Jedi should be?"
"It makes sense," Kyp said. "You've got the talent, the heritage. Maybe there's something to all this talk of destiny."
She really didn't have time for this. She picked up the cognition hood and said, "Get out."
"Not until you tell me what you've got in mind."
Jaina stood suddenly, catching him off-guard with a blast of Force lightning that knocked him back into the wall, and it was a total shock to her when the energy around him just dissipated.
"If I can summon it, I can dispel it," Kyp explained. "You're not the only one who took that path."
Fine, he wanted to play this game? She drew her lightsaber and ordered, "Outside."
He bowed and tried to let her go first, but she shook her head. Getting that he had to leave first, he did, which was a mistake as the second he was on the dock, Jaina was back inside the ship and shutting the door on him. Ha.
She had the ship up before anyone could do anything to stop her, and she knew this was probably very stupid. She'd always had others with her who understood the Trickster better than she did, Tahiri and Lowie specifically. This time she was all on her own, and so she had to be better. And yeah, if she didn't survive it, she'd rather not take Lowbacca down with her.
There were two villips on the console. She stroked one to activate it, watching Tsavong Lah's face appear before her. "Greetings, Warmaster," Jaina said, almost cheerfully. "Remember me? Jacen Solo's twin sister?"
"You will be sacrificed to the gods," he greeted back, "and then I will tear out your heart with my own hands."
"If you still have your own hands, you're probably not as far up the ladder as you wanted us to think," she said. "Put someone else on- someone with real authority and a few more replacement parts."
"With those words, you have earned yourself much pain."
"I take it the Vong don't get promoted for their conversational skills," Jaina retorted. "Let's see if the priest's commander can do better."
She brought the other villip to life, and when one of the priests' faces appeared, Jaina brushed back her bangs to reveal the mark she'd drawn there- the symbol of Yun-Harla. She was sort of proud of it.
This little act of heresy had both Vong in a rage. "I will bring you in, human," the priest snarled. "This I swear, by all the gods, by my domain and my sacred honor."
It was probably wrong that she enjoyed making them so mad. It meant she was doing something right. She disengaged the villips, watching the Vong ship in the distance, clearly headed for her.
Jaina focused deep inside herself, touching in on that little dark part of her that allowed the Force lightning come so easily, now allowing it to direct her actions. It meant opening herself up to the living ship and its components much more than she was used to, and despite the fact that she was able to act rather than think and move this hunk of rock better than she'd ever thought she could, that attunement was also a problem. One shot to the Trickster's hull and it was Jaina screaming in pain like she'd been the one with the injury. When she looked down at her arm, she was amazed to see she was uninjured. Ensuing shots were even worse.
Because of that, she wasn't entirely conscious when she found herself back in her vision, back at the Shadow Academy, again fighting "Vader," but this time she wasn't winning.
The figure this time tore off the mask, revealing Kyp's face underneath. Light began to rip away at the disguise, and he reached for her, and all at once Jaina knew that he really was doing this for her, because he saw too much of himself in her, because he really truly believed that she would hold all the answers.
And she also knew that she wasn't the person he believed her to be. She wouldn't hold any of the answers. Whatever her destiny was, that wasn't it.
And if he realized he could be wrong, she knew he was all right with that.
The dark side didn't seem to be her destiny, either, and Kyp did know that for sure. She couldn't believe he was the one trying to her from that. She wasn't entirely sure where the thought came from, but she could picture his grin and heard his voice, Did you ever think that you might be the one who's saving me? Come on back. We'll figure this out together.
Slowly, she came back to consciousness, not sure what had happened while she was out. Lights were flashing around her, alarms were going off reporting system failures, and there was Kyp's voice over the comm saying, "Jaina, fall back. I've got you." She honestly didn't know if she'd been listening to the comm, or if he'd invaded her vision again.
Jaina didn't have time to act, but through the viewport she could see the Vong ship circling around for another attack, and Kyp's X-wing flying towards it to try and head it off. He was able to do the needed damage, but he took a hit and went EV just in time before the ship exploded. Touching lightly on him to make sure he was indeed all right so far, Jaina suddenly had a different course of action to take. Abandoning the personal battle she was fighting with the Vong for a moment, she instead turned all her attention to rescuing Kyp.
*****
The battle wasn't even over, but Jaina and the Trickster were out of it. She was okay with that, though. She felt a hell of a lot better than she had when she went into it, and at the moment she had to arrange medical attention for the person responsible for that. Yes, that was weird to her.
Once she'd gotten Kyp off the ship and set up, she went straight to the palace. There was no sense in putting off her confrontations. It wasn't in her nature, especially these days, and there was a very tiny part of her that didn't want to give herself the opportunity to slip back. She knew what she'd become, knew how bad she could have really gotten, and now she had a reason to fight it. There was someone else depending on her to do it.
Pending investigation into Teneniel's death, Ta'a Chume was under house arrest at the palace, and when she saw Jaina's flightsuit, her first question was, "The battle?"
"We're winning," Jaina assured her.
"You should be commanding it."
Jaina shrugged. "Colonel Fel is doing just fine. Queen Mother Tenel Ka knows how to pick people."
There was a silence as Ta'a Chume realized that her granddaughter had, in fact, accepted the crown, and was keeping it. And she probably considered what it meant for her, namely that she was never getting out of her house arrest. "With my help, you could have been a great queen."
"I can't tell you how much that means to me," said Jaina, folding her arms over her chest.
"What about your vows of vengeance?" Ta'a Chume wondered.
Before, Jaina had been aware that Ta'a Chume was using her for her darker tendencies, probably in order to reclaim the throne herself through Jaina, but it hadn't bothered her. It wasn't like Jaina hadn't purposely used Ta'a Chume to teach her some things. It was just that now it felt wrong. "I'm not adding you to the list, if that's your concern," said Jaina. "It's over. All of it. I know what I am- a fighter, the sister and daughter of heroes."
Ta'a Chume didn't exactly look disappointed in her, though it was pretty obvious that this was not the way she'd planned on things going. "I am seldom mistaken, but now I see that you are a fool, like your mother before you."
She was still ranting when Jaina left. She didn't need to put up with it. She had better things to do.
When she left the secured rooms, she found Tenel Ka waiting for her. "They say that anger is of the dark side," she greeted Jaina. "'They', of course, have never met Ta'a Chume."
Jaina smiled faintly, saw that Tenel Ka seemed to be doing all right, and on impulse, reached out to hug her. It was almost a surprise that after all of this, Tenel Ka hugged her back with her arm.
"It won't be easy," Tenel Ka said. "Not for me, not for you. I suspect that your road may be more difficult than mine. At least you will not be alone."
Jaina pulled away. "Neither will you."
She got a faint smile in return, and a little lift of her hand before Tenel Ka turned and walked away. It hadn't occurred to Jaina before now that Tenel Ka had lost just about as much as she had, and she was handling it so much better. She'd held steady and was going to take over the rule of five dozen planets and she was going to be brilliant. And the loneliness Jaina caught from her was so much she almost couldn't take it.
Jaina shook it off, pulling herself back under control quickly and heading back to the Trickster. She needed that control. It was going to be what got her through the rest of this.
*****
When she got to the docks, Kyp was already up, loading supplies onto a Hapan light freighter. Except for the bacta patch over his forehead, he looked fine. "Never thought you'd get here," he said. "It's almost time to go."
She frowned, stepping closer. "Go?"
"We're delivering some supplies. Your mother asked me to bring you."
And this was the beginning of all the people she'd have to face. "Mom already lost two of her kids."
Kyp understood her exactly. "I'll get you back." And she loved him a little for that, platonically. Very very platonically.
Since Myrkr, maybe even before, Jaina had kept her shields up, not wanting to let anyone see what was going on inside her, and not wanting to deal with anyone else's pain on top of her own if she didn't have to. She didn't even want to lower those shields, but she did. He got it. They were in this together, and that meant he deserved to not get shut out. Everyone else would come with time, she supposed.
After a moment, Kyp tossed her a box, and they continued loading up the freighter.
It wasn't until they'd strapped into the seats of the ship and were ready to go that Jaina asked, "So what's next?"
"What do you want to do?" he asked.
She paused, considering her options. "I'll keep flying, of course, but I'm not sure the Rogues will have me."
Kyp looked vaguely surprised. "No school? I thought you had all these people to keep going back to."
Jaina looked down at her hands, trying not to feel sorry for herself. Through all of this, she'd come to the realization that her place was here. She honestly didn't know how to go back to Fandom when she'd seen how things were, when she'd done the things she had. She couldn't just pick up like nothing had happened and leave her home to war. "Things are different now," she shrugged.
To his credit, she didn't feel any pity from him. "Then why not continue the path you've started? There's a place for a trickster in the resistance. You're quick with a plan, you have a knack for strategy."
"Not bad," she admitted. She could honestly see herself doing it. She'd be good at it. "And you?"
"I'm going to work toward the establishment of a Jedi Council, to building consensus instead of discord," he said. He looked appropriately sheepish about it.
Jaina couldn't help but laugh, even though she found it really encouraging that after all the discord he'd caused, he was trying to fix it. And she really trusted that he was. "I've seen my mother struggle with such things. Trust me, this might prove to be your biggest challenge yet!"
He shrugged. "Neither of us need things to be easy. And on that note, I hear that Jag Fel has arranged a meeting with your uncle Luke. If there's a Jedi offensive on the horizon, I wouldn't be at all surprised if he's at the heart of it."
There was something slightly guarded there, probably coming from the part of Kyp that realized Jaina wasn't planning on going back to her boyfriend and that she was hurting over it. It did hurt her, a lot, but she was trying not to dwell on it. Still, she wasn't trying to replace John with Jag and wanted to make it very clear that that was not her intention at all, but she didn't find the prospect of seeing more of Jag as a bad thing. He was a good, steady guy, who didn't falter from his path and would never have done what Jaina had. This was the sort of person she needed to surround herself with.
And, she was relieved that Kyp was telling her about another guy rather than that awkward and sort of inappropriate flirting with her.
If Kyp sensed any of that, he didn't say anything. "You ready?"
"Yeah," Jaina nodded, and then it was off to start facing the real challenges.
[Dialogue taken from Dark Journey by Elaine Cunningham. I AM ALMOST DONE SPAMMING YOU YAY.]
"Unless you want me to help Teneniel Djo pack, I have no idea why you're telling me this," Jaina said. She'd sort of passed the point of letting Ta'a Chume go through all her twists and turns in a conversation. She was too busy to deal with that now.
"I've often thought of how frustrating it must have been to always labor in the shadow of a famous mother."
And here they went again. "A torpedo is launched, but no target is in sight," Jaina said, frowning.
"The target is very obvious. This is a common concern for young women in your position."
"It's the sort of thing that crosses your mind, sure, but war has a way of making adolescent angst seem petty." Sure, she had that, too, but it sort of took a backseat at the moment to things of a more galactic level.
"But pettiness does not end with adolescence.," said Ta'a Chume. "No doubt you've noticed Tenel Ka's recent hostility towards you."
"We've had our differences. There's a lot of that going around among the Jedi."
"When did my granddaughter become concerned with philosophy? No, Tenel Ka is prompted by a fear of being replaced by someone more worthy."
Yeah, Jaina knew that wasn't a concern of Tenel Ka's. It said something either about her level of comfort in this sort of situation or her extreme frustration right now that she put her fingers to her temples and rubbed. "Someone like my mother, I suppose. Is that what you're preparing me for?" she asked. "If so, I don't follow the logic. Instead of Princess Leia's daughter, I'd be Queen Leia's heir. Not exactly coming out of the shadows, if that's what you're concerned about."
"You misunderstand, my dear," said Ta'a Chume with a smile. "In these brutal times, Hapes needs a warrior queen- not Teneniel, not Tenel Ka, not Princess Leia. A queen who seeks to understand the enemy, and attack boldly."
Suddenly it clicked. And the absolute absurdity of what she was offering had Jaina cracking up laughing. "I can just picture my father's reaction to the idea. We're talking about Han Solo here- I'm surprised your ambassadors didn't have to kill him in self-defense!" Yet another reason she loved her father.
"This is quiet serious," said Ta'a Chume, smile gone.
It took a lot of willpower for Jaina to regain her composure. "I can see that. I didn't mean to offend- really, even the suggestion is an enormous honor. But I'm just not interested."
"Why not?"
"Why not? For starters, I'm too young. Second, if I were ready to get married, I'm sure my boyfriend would already be freaking out right now." And that was for that implied virgin crack she hadn't forgotten about.
Though Ta'a Chume's eyebrows raised, she ignored that second part. "Nonsense," she said. "You're eighteen, about the age your mother was when she set her heart on an older man."
Jaina didn't remind her that the age difference between her own parents was roughly a decade. The age difference between herself and Isolder was roughly three, and the reason he was old enough to be her father was because her mother had nearly been engaged to him. The fact that Ta'a Chume didn't see anything wrong with this sort of boggled. "Speaking of my father, how many days did your ambassadors spend in a bacta tank?" Jaina wondered.
"I'm sure he'll come around to the idea. He is a reasonable man."
"He's never been accused of that before," Jaina said. "But that's neither here nor there. I don't know about Hapan customs, but no one tells me who to marry. Not my parents, not my friends."
"And not me," Ta'a Chume finished. "At least consider it."
"Of course," Jaina nodded, though she never would.
When she left the Palace, she went looking for Jag. She wanted to question him further on the attack on her father, and was disappointed not to find him anywhere. Instead, she went back to her room, shutting the door and desperately needing the silence now that she had bigger thoughts in her head than she'd kind counted on. For the first time she really considered her comlink, not for the previous reasons, but because she sort of wanted to either laugh (some more) or cry and she couldn't do that with anyone here.
What she actually did was take a seat on the floor, closed her eyes, and tried meditating instead. She didn't do this often, but every once in a while it became a really good idea.
After a moment, a vision began to clear, one of a small girl in a brown jumpsuit holding an unfamiliar lightsaber, and Jaina was surprised to recognize the girl as herself. She was younger than she was now- fourteen, she'd guess- and as she sank deeper into the Force, she recognized the setting as that of the Shadow Academy, along with the tall black-clad figure with the red lightsaber headed her way.
She knew what was happening. She knew who was really under under the mask, and it was horrifying to be living through it again. But she was more aware than he of what was happening, and when he struck, she had to defend herself. They dueled, and though Jaina had to give the fight everything she had, he'd always been better at this and it showed.
She was also still fighting with the skill of her untrained, fourteen-year-old self, so when she finally landed a blow, it was purely by accident.
When he fell, she rushed to his side, dropping her lightsaber and desperately trying to pull off the helmet, praying that there would be someone else's face, anyone else's face, under it.
And when it did turn out to be Jacen, she got to her feet, stepping back in shock. That hadn't just happened, no matter how real it felt. She didn't just kill her brother. She pulled her own helmet off, watched it drop the ground and roll toward Jacen's body, and saw Kyp's face staring out at her from inside it. She could see his lips moving, but couldn't hear a word...
She came out of the vision suddenly, breathing heavily and for a moment she wasn't really aware that Kyp was actually there. In her room. Again. "You brought me out of the trance," she said finally. "Why?"
Crouching before her, he reached a hand to her shoulder. "Maybe I have some sense of what you were going through."
She really didn't want to be touched right now, and shrugged him off. Still, it didn't take a genius to understand what the vision meant. Which was probably why she found herself needing to give an explanation. "I never had the problems that Jacen and Anakin did with the Force," she said slowly. "They debated its true nature, and struggled to understand what it was to be a Jedi. I just did what needed to be done. Up to now, that has always been enough. Now I'm being forced to question, and to choose."
Kyp didn't ask, except by not asking, and she went on, "Ta'a Chume wants Teneniel Djo fired from being queen, and she wants me to replace her."
He seemed to be trying to run that image in his mind. He probably failed. "Is that all."
"I'm not considering it," Jaina assured him, "but it made me think. The queen mother operates behind a line I'm not willing to cross."
"Which begs the question of what your parameters are," Kyp inferred.
"Exactly. And I realize that I've crossed a number of lines."
"I've crossed a few myself," he admitted. "It's hard not to- the vapin' things keep moving."
Jaina allowed a tiny smile, but said, "This is a decision point: I can back out now, or I can move forward and push this offensive as far as it will take me."
He watched her, but knew her choice. "You're going to continue, whatever it costs you."
"I don't see any other way," Jaina said. She was aware that she'd been doing some seriously questionable things since Myrkr, but there had never been any decision made to turn to the dark side. She'd simply reacted to things that were happening, which yes, would signify a fall. But she could come back from it now. The problem was, the things she'd done were questionable, but it worked. Her methods had saved lives. She really was doing some good. She just also knew what it would cost her in the end, and if it meant others were safe because she'd put herself on the line to help defeat the Vong... Well, then her life would be forfeit, and she'd be all right with that.
"Did you find the answers you sought?" Kyp wondered.
She opened her mouth to answer, but stopped when she realized that she knew exactly where Jag was. She didn't question it, deciding that he'd been on her mind previously, and she was still more open to the Force than usual, and she just knew they had to get to him.
Latching on to his sense, she was able to lead Kyp to the chamber in the underlevels of the Palace, exactly where her vision showed him to be. It was absolutely no problem at this point to pick the lock to his cell and take out the guards, either. It was nice to have a small problem for once.
As they hurried out of there, Jaina asked, "How did you get yourself down here?"
Jag shot her a strange little glance. She'd forgotten briefly that their short encounter before the ceremony had ended in them being annoyed with each other again because Jaina had chosen to misunderstand a compliment. "After the battle, Shawnkyr took me aside and warned me that in implying that I'd honor you as a commander, I was putting my pilots in the service of Hapes' future queen. That I was taking sides in a coming coup."
Jaina winced. "Your Chiss friend must have overheard some of Ta'a Chume's people talking about it."
"That's right," Jag said, a little coldly. "Congratulations, Lieutenant. Or would 'Your Majesty' be more appropriate?"
"These days she prefers 'Trickster'," Kyp advised. "What's a queen, next to a Yuuzhan Vong goddess?"
"Don't help me," Jaina implored with a glare. "This queen business is ridiculous. It wasn't my idea."
"The queen's retainers were of the impression that you were another Ta'a Chume, an ambitious woman who would gladly seize this opportunity," Jag went on, and wow was it sobering to hear someone else's opinions of you. "They also spoke of eliminating obstacles, a job they were hired to do."
She stopped, grabbing him by the arm. "Does this have anything to do with my father?"
"That was my impression, too. I sought out Han's assailants; ambassadors who went to negotiate a marriage between Prince Isolder and yourself. I feel certain that Han was not attacked so much as subdued."
Jaina shook her head impatiently. "I know all this, but I don't understand why you were detained."
"I was stopped on my way to find and warn Tenel Ka," Jag said. Looked like he'd made a friend. "You're of legal age and don't require your parents' permission. If you wish to marry Isolder, no one can stop you. Logically speaking, what would this obstacle be but Queen Mother Teneniel Djo?"
They got there too late. When the trio arrived at the queen mother's quarters, they found Tenel Ka sitting with her mother, holding her hand and not looking up at them. She knew they were there, though, and quietly explained, "Poison. They did not even give her the dignity of a final battle."
It was both due to her own guilt over her role in this, and just plain sympathy for her friend's loss that Jaina went over to Tenel Ka and laid a hand on her shoulder. "We'll find whoever did this," she promised.
Tenel Ka looked up at her, eyes flashing. "I will not have my mother's life dishonored by your vengeance."
The words cut Jaina harder than she would have thought. It hadn't even occurred to her that anyone could think that. "Is that what you think this is about? Do you think I'm dishonoring Anakin? Jacen?"
Before she had a chance to hear the answer, the invasion alert sounded. Looked like Jaina's tricks had only kept the Vong away so long.
*****
Jaina would have much rathered going with Jag to the docking bay to get ready for the fight, but her presence was requested at the council chamber of the Hapan court first. She went along with Tenel Ka, not understanding why she had to be here. It wasn't her place at all, and she'd turned down the kriffing job. She wanted to do her job.
Court was already in session when they arrived, and Ta'a Chume was standing before them, watching them both for a moment before removing the crown from her head and handing it to Isolder.
And suddenly Jaina got it. If Isolder offered her the crown now, in front of everyone, with an invasion just about to begin, she couldn't turn it down. She'd be stuck.
Tenel Ka turned to Jaina when they reached the front of the audience chamber. "There are times when personal inclinations must be put aside," she said softly. "I will take up my mother's crown, and I will defend it if I must. But for now, we have a common foe."
It couldn't have been an easy decision for her. Tenel Ka had never wanted her title, never wanted to be a queen, but her mother was dead and the only other option would be to let Jaina have it, and Tenel Ka had apparently been seeing her for what she was longer. If Jaina accepted it, she wouldn't survive too long. Either she'd do something to displease Ta'a Chume enough to end up like Teneniel Djo, or she'd let the former queen mother mold her too well, and Tenel Ka wouldn't let Hapes suffer because of someone's bent on vengeance.
And Jaina couldn't fault her for it. She just nodded and said, "Let's go."
Tenel Ka didn't give her father the chance to choose. She walked up to him, dropped to one knee, and with a smile and without hesitation, he placed the crown upon her head.
The Hapan people weren't generally fans of Jedi, and they'd just been given another Jedi queen, but they applauded anyway. Hopefully it had less to do with propriety and more to do with the fact that they'd gotten the right one. Tenel Ka cut off the applause with a wave of her hand. "I am a warrior, a daughter of warrior women," she said. "Teneniel Djo foresaw the Yuuzhan Vong threat and prepared. Shipyards hidden in the Transitory Mists have rebuilt much of the fleet lost at Fondor. These ships are on their way. Go, and fight, and know that Hapes is strong."
Tenel Ka stepped forward towards Jaina, both of them falling into step and speeding up slightly until they were both running for the battle, applause far behind them.
Jag had been put in command, and he had plenty of pilots volunteering to fly under him. She acknowledged both him and Kyp in turn before heading straight for the Trickster. There. One crisis averted, now on to this one. She was weirdly calm about it.
Kyp wasn't far behind her, starting with, "Whatever you're planning, forget it."
She stared at him from the pilot's seat, not sure how he knew anything. With the way her shields were up, he shouldn't have had any idea. It would terrify her if he somehow knew her that well.
"I get the feeling you're about to go toss your life away, sacrificing yourself as Anakin did. Not long ago, you told me that Anakin might have had the answers. We can't let them just disappear into the mist along with you," he said.
Jaina blinked a couple times as she realized what he was saying. "Don't put that on me. You really think that I'm on a journey to discover what the Jedi should be?"
"It makes sense," Kyp said. "You've got the talent, the heritage. Maybe there's something to all this talk of destiny."
She really didn't have time for this. She picked up the cognition hood and said, "Get out."
"Not until you tell me what you've got in mind."
Jaina stood suddenly, catching him off-guard with a blast of Force lightning that knocked him back into the wall, and it was a total shock to her when the energy around him just dissipated.
"If I can summon it, I can dispel it," Kyp explained. "You're not the only one who took that path."
Fine, he wanted to play this game? She drew her lightsaber and ordered, "Outside."
He bowed and tried to let her go first, but she shook her head. Getting that he had to leave first, he did, which was a mistake as the second he was on the dock, Jaina was back inside the ship and shutting the door on him. Ha.
She had the ship up before anyone could do anything to stop her, and she knew this was probably very stupid. She'd always had others with her who understood the Trickster better than she did, Tahiri and Lowie specifically. This time she was all on her own, and so she had to be better. And yeah, if she didn't survive it, she'd rather not take Lowbacca down with her.
There were two villips on the console. She stroked one to activate it, watching Tsavong Lah's face appear before her. "Greetings, Warmaster," Jaina said, almost cheerfully. "Remember me? Jacen Solo's twin sister?"
"You will be sacrificed to the gods," he greeted back, "and then I will tear out your heart with my own hands."
"If you still have your own hands, you're probably not as far up the ladder as you wanted us to think," she said. "Put someone else on- someone with real authority and a few more replacement parts."
"With those words, you have earned yourself much pain."
"I take it the Vong don't get promoted for their conversational skills," Jaina retorted. "Let's see if the priest's commander can do better."
She brought the other villip to life, and when one of the priests' faces appeared, Jaina brushed back her bangs to reveal the mark she'd drawn there- the symbol of Yun-Harla. She was sort of proud of it.
This little act of heresy had both Vong in a rage. "I will bring you in, human," the priest snarled. "This I swear, by all the gods, by my domain and my sacred honor."
It was probably wrong that she enjoyed making them so mad. It meant she was doing something right. She disengaged the villips, watching the Vong ship in the distance, clearly headed for her.
Jaina focused deep inside herself, touching in on that little dark part of her that allowed the Force lightning come so easily, now allowing it to direct her actions. It meant opening herself up to the living ship and its components much more than she was used to, and despite the fact that she was able to act rather than think and move this hunk of rock better than she'd ever thought she could, that attunement was also a problem. One shot to the Trickster's hull and it was Jaina screaming in pain like she'd been the one with the injury. When she looked down at her arm, she was amazed to see she was uninjured. Ensuing shots were even worse.
Because of that, she wasn't entirely conscious when she found herself back in her vision, back at the Shadow Academy, again fighting "Vader," but this time she wasn't winning.
The figure this time tore off the mask, revealing Kyp's face underneath. Light began to rip away at the disguise, and he reached for her, and all at once Jaina knew that he really was doing this for her, because he saw too much of himself in her, because he really truly believed that she would hold all the answers.
And she also knew that she wasn't the person he believed her to be. She wouldn't hold any of the answers. Whatever her destiny was, that wasn't it.
And if he realized he could be wrong, she knew he was all right with that.
The dark side didn't seem to be her destiny, either, and Kyp did know that for sure. She couldn't believe he was the one trying to her from that. She wasn't entirely sure where the thought came from, but she could picture his grin and heard his voice, Did you ever think that you might be the one who's saving me? Come on back. We'll figure this out together.
Slowly, she came back to consciousness, not sure what had happened while she was out. Lights were flashing around her, alarms were going off reporting system failures, and there was Kyp's voice over the comm saying, "Jaina, fall back. I've got you." She honestly didn't know if she'd been listening to the comm, or if he'd invaded her vision again.
Jaina didn't have time to act, but through the viewport she could see the Vong ship circling around for another attack, and Kyp's X-wing flying towards it to try and head it off. He was able to do the needed damage, but he took a hit and went EV just in time before the ship exploded. Touching lightly on him to make sure he was indeed all right so far, Jaina suddenly had a different course of action to take. Abandoning the personal battle she was fighting with the Vong for a moment, she instead turned all her attention to rescuing Kyp.
*****
The battle wasn't even over, but Jaina and the Trickster were out of it. She was okay with that, though. She felt a hell of a lot better than she had when she went into it, and at the moment she had to arrange medical attention for the person responsible for that. Yes, that was weird to her.
Once she'd gotten Kyp off the ship and set up, she went straight to the palace. There was no sense in putting off her confrontations. It wasn't in her nature, especially these days, and there was a very tiny part of her that didn't want to give herself the opportunity to slip back. She knew what she'd become, knew how bad she could have really gotten, and now she had a reason to fight it. There was someone else depending on her to do it.
Pending investigation into Teneniel's death, Ta'a Chume was under house arrest at the palace, and when she saw Jaina's flightsuit, her first question was, "The battle?"
"We're winning," Jaina assured her.
"You should be commanding it."
Jaina shrugged. "Colonel Fel is doing just fine. Queen Mother Tenel Ka knows how to pick people."
There was a silence as Ta'a Chume realized that her granddaughter had, in fact, accepted the crown, and was keeping it. And she probably considered what it meant for her, namely that she was never getting out of her house arrest. "With my help, you could have been a great queen."
"I can't tell you how much that means to me," said Jaina, folding her arms over her chest.
"What about your vows of vengeance?" Ta'a Chume wondered.
Before, Jaina had been aware that Ta'a Chume was using her for her darker tendencies, probably in order to reclaim the throne herself through Jaina, but it hadn't bothered her. It wasn't like Jaina hadn't purposely used Ta'a Chume to teach her some things. It was just that now it felt wrong. "I'm not adding you to the list, if that's your concern," said Jaina. "It's over. All of it. I know what I am- a fighter, the sister and daughter of heroes."
Ta'a Chume didn't exactly look disappointed in her, though it was pretty obvious that this was not the way she'd planned on things going. "I am seldom mistaken, but now I see that you are a fool, like your mother before you."
She was still ranting when Jaina left. She didn't need to put up with it. She had better things to do.
When she left the secured rooms, she found Tenel Ka waiting for her. "They say that anger is of the dark side," she greeted Jaina. "'They', of course, have never met Ta'a Chume."
Jaina smiled faintly, saw that Tenel Ka seemed to be doing all right, and on impulse, reached out to hug her. It was almost a surprise that after all of this, Tenel Ka hugged her back with her arm.
"It won't be easy," Tenel Ka said. "Not for me, not for you. I suspect that your road may be more difficult than mine. At least you will not be alone."
Jaina pulled away. "Neither will you."
She got a faint smile in return, and a little lift of her hand before Tenel Ka turned and walked away. It hadn't occurred to Jaina before now that Tenel Ka had lost just about as much as she had, and she was handling it so much better. She'd held steady and was going to take over the rule of five dozen planets and she was going to be brilliant. And the loneliness Jaina caught from her was so much she almost couldn't take it.
Jaina shook it off, pulling herself back under control quickly and heading back to the Trickster. She needed that control. It was going to be what got her through the rest of this.
*****
When she got to the docks, Kyp was already up, loading supplies onto a Hapan light freighter. Except for the bacta patch over his forehead, he looked fine. "Never thought you'd get here," he said. "It's almost time to go."
She frowned, stepping closer. "Go?"
"We're delivering some supplies. Your mother asked me to bring you."
And this was the beginning of all the people she'd have to face. "Mom already lost two of her kids."
Kyp understood her exactly. "I'll get you back." And she loved him a little for that, platonically. Very very platonically.
Since Myrkr, maybe even before, Jaina had kept her shields up, not wanting to let anyone see what was going on inside her, and not wanting to deal with anyone else's pain on top of her own if she didn't have to. She didn't even want to lower those shields, but she did. He got it. They were in this together, and that meant he deserved to not get shut out. Everyone else would come with time, she supposed.
After a moment, Kyp tossed her a box, and they continued loading up the freighter.
It wasn't until they'd strapped into the seats of the ship and were ready to go that Jaina asked, "So what's next?"
"What do you want to do?" he asked.
She paused, considering her options. "I'll keep flying, of course, but I'm not sure the Rogues will have me."
Kyp looked vaguely surprised. "No school? I thought you had all these people to keep going back to."
Jaina looked down at her hands, trying not to feel sorry for herself. Through all of this, she'd come to the realization that her place was here. She honestly didn't know how to go back to Fandom when she'd seen how things were, when she'd done the things she had. She couldn't just pick up like nothing had happened and leave her home to war. "Things are different now," she shrugged.
To his credit, she didn't feel any pity from him. "Then why not continue the path you've started? There's a place for a trickster in the resistance. You're quick with a plan, you have a knack for strategy."
"Not bad," she admitted. She could honestly see herself doing it. She'd be good at it. "And you?"
"I'm going to work toward the establishment of a Jedi Council, to building consensus instead of discord," he said. He looked appropriately sheepish about it.
Jaina couldn't help but laugh, even though she found it really encouraging that after all the discord he'd caused, he was trying to fix it. And she really trusted that he was. "I've seen my mother struggle with such things. Trust me, this might prove to be your biggest challenge yet!"
He shrugged. "Neither of us need things to be easy. And on that note, I hear that Jag Fel has arranged a meeting with your uncle Luke. If there's a Jedi offensive on the horizon, I wouldn't be at all surprised if he's at the heart of it."
There was something slightly guarded there, probably coming from the part of Kyp that realized Jaina wasn't planning on going back to her boyfriend and that she was hurting over it. It did hurt her, a lot, but she was trying not to dwell on it. Still, she wasn't trying to replace John with Jag and wanted to make it very clear that that was not her intention at all, but she didn't find the prospect of seeing more of Jag as a bad thing. He was a good, steady guy, who didn't falter from his path and would never have done what Jaina had. This was the sort of person she needed to surround herself with.
And, she was relieved that Kyp was telling her about another guy rather than that awkward and sort of inappropriate flirting with her.
If Kyp sensed any of that, he didn't say anything. "You ready?"
"Yeah," Jaina nodded, and then it was off to start facing the real challenges.
[Dialogue taken from Dark Journey by Elaine Cunningham. I AM ALMOST DONE SPAMMING YOU YAY.]