solo_sword | Room 313, early Saturday morning

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313,
john

Room 313, early Saturday morning

After being dropped off at the causeway, Jaina hadn't been entirely sure what to do with herself. Not wanting to go straight for the cabins just yet, she instead returned to her room at the dorms. Everything felt different here now. She knew the room, but it felt like someone else's, even if she recognized everything in it.

And against her better judgment, she focused on that one presence she knew to look for, touching lightly on him and sending along an image of where she was, assuming he would take that as a hint to find her. This wasn't a conversation for the cabins, with all their lack of privacy and walls.

In the meanwhile, if anyone asked, she was packing. What she was doing was sort of trading things out, replacing one move with another, and maybe surreptitiously packing some things away.

[For the boy, and SP is love because despite clicking on those Australia links sleep will be needed. *gets popcorn*]

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"But they didn't let you. And no one here would've either," he pointed out. "Are you waiting for me to reject you because you made some big mistakes?"

Yes. She didn't answer the question, though. "It isn't just about letting me or not," she said. "Ta'a Chume was using me for her own little plan and I was allowing it to happen. I figured if I could hurt the Vong, whatever happened to me was worth it. Because Dark Jedi either turn back or they get killed by someone smarter than them. I would have let myself get that bad."

"So then why aren't you there, being all Dark and getting yourself killed? I don't understand why you're telling me all of it this way." John was getting sort of exasperated. She was presenting him with facts like she expected him to walk out any minute.

"Kyp turned out to be smarter than me," Jaina admitted. "I took him on as my master, sort of, and he's taking it very seriously. And so technically speaking, he kidnapped me back here."

And now she waited for him to reject her, feeling a little sick.

"I'm sorry, kidnapped?"

"I wasn't planning on coming back," she said, definitely not looking at him at the moment.

"You weren't..." It was a good thing John was sitting, because she'd just ripped the floor right out from under him. His mind was reeling as he tried to figure this out. "But you-were you even gonna tell me?"

"I was," Jaina told him, "I just... couldn't." She really didn't want to admit why.

Quickly becoming angry to mask the hurt he was feeling, John crossed his arms protectively over his chest. "It's easy. Want me to do it for you?" He didn't wait for a response. "'Dear John, Screw you, I'm not coming back. Quit worrying I'm dead. I don't love you, Jaina.' See? Easy as pie."

That was about the reaction she'd expected, and she hated that the part of her that had been simply anxious before was starting to hurt. She thought she'd welcome back the numbness over how this could turn back. "It wasn't like that," she protested. "It's not like that."

"So what's it like, Jaina?" He stood up, unable to hold still any longer. "No wait, let me guess. You're here now against your will and you figured maybe keeping me around wouldn't be a bad idea for a cold night or two. Do I have the right idea yet?"

"No," she insisted, hating that this was what she was trying not to get upset about. "I knew I had to tell you, I just didn't want to lose you, too."

She really hated that she was failing at not getting upset about this.

John's shoulders slumped. She was breaking his heart here and lashing out in anger was managing to hurt him as much as part of him wanted it to hurt her. She'd been through so much in so little time, she didn't deserve him being an asshole, too.

His voice softened as he looked at the floor, feeling utterly defeated. "You know you don't have to lose me."

Jaina hadn't expected him to say that, and she was as equally relieved as she was feeling sort of sorry for him for having to deal with this. "You'd probably be better off if I did," she said quietly, trying to surreptitiously wipe at her eye.

"No I wouldn't," he told her, stepping closer and reaching out to tuck her hair behind her ear. "You've just gotta give me a chance."

She wasn't bothering to wipe the tears away anymore, and she didn't want to admit why she really thought he was better off. The explanation gave was the seriously watered-down version. "It's going to go on like this, John," she said. "You don't know how far onto the Vong's bad side I've gotten, and I'm going to make it worse. This is going to keep going."

"Don't cut me out." He thought he knew what she wasn't saying. "I can take it. Let me help you."

She didn't want to cling. Okay, no, that was a lie. Yes, she really really did, but she was stopping herself. But she did nod, mostly because she didn't want to be all choked up if she tried to say something.

It was completely selfish of her to not shove him away and cut him out, but she just couldn't. She didn't want to.

He was taking that nod as a good thing and he grabbed her in a hug just to show her he was still there, not worrying that she might not hug him back.

She did, kind of surprisingly hard, actually. Jaina took the opportunity to sort of bury herself against him, which was more than a little strange given how much she'd been pushing people away.

So sorry for all she'd suffered in the last few days, he kissed the top of her head, holding her tightly for as long as she'd let him.

"You okay?" she asked finally, her voice a little muffled by all the clinging she was doing.

"I'm good now," he promised, assuming she was done trying to get rid of him. "Are you okay with being here for now?"

She pulled away slowly, and shrugged. "I don't really have a choice. Kyp and I worked out a deal. As long as he does't go back on it..."

"What's the deal?" John wanted details here.

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