solo_sword: (b&w serious)
Jaina Solo Fel ([personal profile] solo_sword) wrote2008-12-24 05:37 am

Ralroost, Wednesday Fandom time

It wasn't that the sim mission had failed. In fact, her team had done pretty well for themselves. But 'pretty well' wasn't good enough and she didn't want anyone under her command facing the same fate that she was setting herself up for. Especially after what had happened to John. Still feeling unsettled by that vision she'd had, she'd run them through the simulation until she decided they'd had enough, and only then did she release them, heading down to her quarters after they'd gone.

It was in the corridor that Ganner Rhysode found her, catching her by the arm to slow her pace. "I need to speak with you," he told her in a low voice.

"I don't have time-"

"You'll want to hear this."

She sighed, but figured if he was going to take the time to press her, she could indulge him a minute or two. She led him the rest of her way to her quarters, sliding the door shut behind them once they were inside. "Can this be quick?"

"Jacen's rumored to be alive," Ganner told her without preamble. "There have been sightings, people have been talking."

He'd probably been expecting some reaction. He had probably thought he'd tell her and there would be tears of joy and possibly her throwing her arms around him in gratitude. The reality of it was that his words seemed to drop onto her like lead weights, and the only reaction Jaina had to that sort of thing anymore was to get mad enough to push them off. "Another stupid lie," she told him coolly. "And you're an idiot for believing it."

Ganner definitely hadn't expected that. "I don't believe it," he said, probably backpedaling at her reaction. "I think it needs to be checked out. I mean, think of how important this could be to the morale of the New Republic. Don't you get it? He's a hero. It'd be like- like he rose from the dead, Jaina! It'd be magical- it'd be a miracle! It'd give us hope again."

Once upon a time she might have bought into it. That was before the war started destroying the people she loved, before it became her focus, and frankly, her obsession. And she did not- did not- want Jacen to become some sort of symbol of something that was never going to happen. She couldn't take it. Her family couldn't take it. "We don't need hope. We need more ships. We need better weapons. And we need Jedi. We need to keep on fighting. We don't need you wasting everybody's time on fantasies."

"But what if it's not a fantasy?" Ganner insisted. "Your mother still claims he's alive-"

"My mother," she said slowly, "lost both her sons on the same day. She hasn't gotten over it. She probably never will."

"She has a right to know-"

She didn't want to be doing this. She didn't have to explain anything about her family to him. He had no right to be bringing any of this back up, it was none of his business, he did not get to talk about her mother or her brother this way. "I'm not arguing with you, Ganner," she said simply, voice hard as durasteel. "I'm telling you. Keep your fat yap shut. I don't want anything about this getting back to Mom. To raise her hopes and then crush them again would break her. If you do, I'll break you."

"But, but Jaina-"

She leaned closer, fixing him with a threatening glare that actually made him take a step back. "Don't think I won't, Ganner," she said in a low voice. "And don't think I can't. I felt Jacen die. In one instant, he was- he was just gone. Blasted out of existence like he'd never existed at all. I felt it." She hadn't. At all. Maybe that was why she was getting more upset, or maybe it was the fact that in every reality she'd seen where Jacen had survived, things hadn't gone so well. Either way, she drew on that anger instead of the hurt to drive the point home that she was not playing here. "If he were alive, I wouldn't need you to come and tell me about it! I'd know! Don't talk to me about this- this garbage ever again. And don't talk to anyone else, either. Anyone. If I find out you've so much as looked in a mirror and told yourself, I will hurt you. I will teach you things about pain that no one should ever have to learn."

Later she would think briefly on the expression on his face, a dumfounded stare at her reaction, like he'd expected to be thanked and hadn't gotten what he'd expected. It was shock, really. And maybe even some concern, which she didn't want to deal with. She was sick of that, and she didn't need it.

He must have gotten the point, though, because he held up a hand in surrender, apparently trying to console her, saying, "Hey, Jaina, it's okay. I won't tell anybody, I promise. Don't get mad-"

"I'm not mad. You haven't seen mad. You better hope you never do." She was done. She'd said everything she needed to and the only other alternative would be to throw him into a wall the next time he spoke, which was supposed to be a bad thing. So fine, she could be the bigger person. Jaina folded her arms and turned her back to him. "Get out of my sight."

There was barely a hesitation before he stepped away, and the door to her quarters slid open and shut as he left her alone.


[Dialogue taken almost entirely from Traitor by Matthew Stover, who I so wish wrote more of my girl omg. And yes there really are that many italics. NFB, yadda yadda.]