Jaina Solo Fel (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
solo_sword) wrote2009-07-10 12:11 am
solo_sword) wrote2009-07-10 12:11 am
Mon Calamari, Friday morning Fandom time
Jaina didn't actually get one on one time with Jacen for days. It was partly her scheduling, partly John's visit, partly the fact that she really wasn't prepared yet for the conversation she needed to have.
She'd been busy getting Twin Suns set with its new Chiss members and training and making sure Lowie's new squadron was ready to go, because those pilots were still in some way hers in her mind. Meanwhile Jacen had been just as busy with Tahiri. At first it had set off all of Jaina's alarms, knowing what she knew, but the girl was going through so much, it didn't feel right to separate her from someone who was trying to help her. It was going to have to be another thing to keep an eye on, she supposed.
The group was about to be split up, with Jaina leaving with Han and Leia once she'd seen John off, and Jacen going with Luke and Mara to find Zonoma Sekot, and that was when she decided she had to go and see her brother. She wasn't sure when she was going to get another opportunity, and she'd put it off too long as it was. So she camped herself out in his quarters, watching him pack from her position on the bunk while offering no help herself, in part because she was too nervous to think about that. Come to think of it, why hadn't she been nervous till now?
Speaking of nerves, he seemed to have some himself. She cocked her head to one side, asking, "What's wrong? Having second thoughts about going?"
He looked up at her, forcing a smile. "Not at all. Just a little overwhelmed, I guess."
There was something about him going off to find the original seed of the Yuuzhan Vong homeworld, the place where everything began, that ws sort of fitting for him. And even now, he was overthinking everything. She could see it. "I hope you find what you're looking for," she said honestly.
"I'm sure we will," Jacen said. "All available data suggest that the Unknown Regions are where-"
"I meant in your heart."
"I won't come back until I do," he said, the smile real this time.
"Is that a promise, Jacen?" she asked, not sure why she felt compelled to ask that. "Or a prophecy?"
Jacen shrugged. "Perhaps it's a little of both."
She watched him closing up his bag, and said, "Then promise me completely that you'll be careful."
"Uncle Luke and Aunt Mara will be there. I don't-"
"That's not what I mean."
Jacen frowned at the tone she used, sitting down to face her. "Which means?"
She just said it. She'd put it off long enough, there was no point in being anything but direct now. "You know how I told you that you went dark in Ben's time? You're dead now there."
Well, she said most of it. There were certain bits- like how- that she would never tell. Just in case. She was a lot of things, but stupid wasn't one of them.
He didn't seem surprised. He'd probably thought a lot on what she'd told him before, too. "It got that bad, huh."
"You never really did anything halfway," she said quietly.
"So you're worried about me?"
"Uh, yeah." She sighed, pulling her knees up to her chest. "I'm not exactly a fan of the possibility." Ghanima had talked to her about signposts, questions to ask to check the status of the situation. The one she'd thrown out about Jacen almost jokingly, the one about him not balking at the idea of turning into a monster, had actually been missed when she'd first told him of this. She was being very careful to watch for reactions now.
"I'm not going dark, Jaina," Jacen assured her. "Not now, and if that's where I go in the future... I can't see why."
"I know. I'm not going to go weird on you, either," she said quickly. "But if it's a possible future... I don't want it."
"Neither do I."
And just like that, Jaina realized why the Jacen part of that vision hadn't bothered her. It was still just a possibility, something that hadn't happened yet. She didn't have the reason or the tools yet to deal with it. All she could do was exactly what she was doing, and just keep her eyes open. Logically she knew that, but it hadn't actually sunk in. That future was something Jacen would never want for himself.
Anakin was something she had to deal with now. Jacen... wasn't. Just because that first signpost was missed didn't mean she needed to panic.
"I'm not sure when I'm going to see you again," Jaina said, the sign to move on.
"Going back to Fandom?" he guessed. He knew her well enough to know that sign, yes.
"Yeah. For however long, anyway," she shrugged.
He looked surprised. "Thinking of leaving?"
"I have for a long time," Jaina admitted. "John's off at school, Grandfather's got his shiny new family, and as much as I want to check up on her right now, Tahiri's got a me, even if she is kind of a bitch... I see that look."
Jacen shot her a lopsided grin. "Did I say anything?"
"It'd just be easier to bounce around two places rather than three."
"If I can make a request?" he said, smile fading. "Stay there."
Jaina blinked. "What?"
"Stay there," Jacen repeated. "Even with as many directions as you're pulled in, at least you're pulled evenly."
This didn't make sense to her. "Jacen, I'm going crazy out there. There's no reason for me to stay there and go to classes like a good little kid when I'm not one, especially when I should be here doing work."
"No, listen to me," he said. "You are doing the work. You're doing the work well. You're getting promoted when you're not even the galaxy. Take that as proof. If you come back here, I know what you're going to do. You're going to do exactly what you always do: you're going to work and work and divide your attention only when you have to. You're going to burn yourself out and I don't think you'll care."
He was completely and totally right. "I've gotten better," she protested.
"Life isn't what you do anymore, right? You're just going to give yours up to the war, even if it doesn't physically kill you."
In retrospect, telling him that she didn't expect to survive the war was a bad move. Look at how she reacted to his possible future, and his concerns for her were much more immediate. And somehow, it hadn't really occurred to her that he really might have cause to be that concerned.
"I'm telling you the truth," said Jaina quietly. "I've learned a lot about balance lately."
'Then prove it."
She didn't have a response for that. No, that was something she was going to be stuck thinking about. Because she needed more to think about. Thanks, Jacen.
Jaina didn't say anything, and a moment later he got up and wordlessly finished his packing, and when he was done, she walked him out to find the others and say goodbye.
[NFB, NFI, OOC okay. A tiny bit of dialogue taken from Force Heretic I: Refugee by Sean Williams and Shane Dix. *chops book into little pieces for my own use, la!*]
She'd been busy getting Twin Suns set with its new Chiss members and training and making sure Lowie's new squadron was ready to go, because those pilots were still in some way hers in her mind. Meanwhile Jacen had been just as busy with Tahiri. At first it had set off all of Jaina's alarms, knowing what she knew, but the girl was going through so much, it didn't feel right to separate her from someone who was trying to help her. It was going to have to be another thing to keep an eye on, she supposed.
The group was about to be split up, with Jaina leaving with Han and Leia once she'd seen John off, and Jacen going with Luke and Mara to find Zonoma Sekot, and that was when she decided she had to go and see her brother. She wasn't sure when she was going to get another opportunity, and she'd put it off too long as it was. So she camped herself out in his quarters, watching him pack from her position on the bunk while offering no help herself, in part because she was too nervous to think about that. Come to think of it, why hadn't she been nervous till now?
Speaking of nerves, he seemed to have some himself. She cocked her head to one side, asking, "What's wrong? Having second thoughts about going?"
He looked up at her, forcing a smile. "Not at all. Just a little overwhelmed, I guess."
There was something about him going off to find the original seed of the Yuuzhan Vong homeworld, the place where everything began, that ws sort of fitting for him. And even now, he was overthinking everything. She could see it. "I hope you find what you're looking for," she said honestly.
"I'm sure we will," Jacen said. "All available data suggest that the Unknown Regions are where-"
"I meant in your heart."
"I won't come back until I do," he said, the smile real this time.
"Is that a promise, Jacen?" she asked, not sure why she felt compelled to ask that. "Or a prophecy?"
Jacen shrugged. "Perhaps it's a little of both."
She watched him closing up his bag, and said, "Then promise me completely that you'll be careful."
"Uncle Luke and Aunt Mara will be there. I don't-"
"That's not what I mean."
Jacen frowned at the tone she used, sitting down to face her. "Which means?"
She just said it. She'd put it off long enough, there was no point in being anything but direct now. "You know how I told you that you went dark in Ben's time? You're dead now there."
Well, she said most of it. There were certain bits- like how- that she would never tell. Just in case. She was a lot of things, but stupid wasn't one of them.
He didn't seem surprised. He'd probably thought a lot on what she'd told him before, too. "It got that bad, huh."
"You never really did anything halfway," she said quietly.
"So you're worried about me?"
"Uh, yeah." She sighed, pulling her knees up to her chest. "I'm not exactly a fan of the possibility." Ghanima had talked to her about signposts, questions to ask to check the status of the situation. The one she'd thrown out about Jacen almost jokingly, the one about him not balking at the idea of turning into a monster, had actually been missed when she'd first told him of this. She was being very careful to watch for reactions now.
"I'm not going dark, Jaina," Jacen assured her. "Not now, and if that's where I go in the future... I can't see why."
"I know. I'm not going to go weird on you, either," she said quickly. "But if it's a possible future... I don't want it."
"Neither do I."
And just like that, Jaina realized why the Jacen part of that vision hadn't bothered her. It was still just a possibility, something that hadn't happened yet. She didn't have the reason or the tools yet to deal with it. All she could do was exactly what she was doing, and just keep her eyes open. Logically she knew that, but it hadn't actually sunk in. That future was something Jacen would never want for himself.
Anakin was something she had to deal with now. Jacen... wasn't. Just because that first signpost was missed didn't mean she needed to panic.
"I'm not sure when I'm going to see you again," Jaina said, the sign to move on.
"Going back to Fandom?" he guessed. He knew her well enough to know that sign, yes.
"Yeah. For however long, anyway," she shrugged.
He looked surprised. "Thinking of leaving?"
"I have for a long time," Jaina admitted. "John's off at school, Grandfather's got his shiny new family, and as much as I want to check up on her right now, Tahiri's got a me, even if she is kind of a bitch... I see that look."
Jacen shot her a lopsided grin. "Did I say anything?"
"It'd just be easier to bounce around two places rather than three."
"If I can make a request?" he said, smile fading. "Stay there."
Jaina blinked. "What?"
"Stay there," Jacen repeated. "Even with as many directions as you're pulled in, at least you're pulled evenly."
This didn't make sense to her. "Jacen, I'm going crazy out there. There's no reason for me to stay there and go to classes like a good little kid when I'm not one, especially when I should be here doing work."
"No, listen to me," he said. "You are doing the work. You're doing the work well. You're getting promoted when you're not even the galaxy. Take that as proof. If you come back here, I know what you're going to do. You're going to do exactly what you always do: you're going to work and work and divide your attention only when you have to. You're going to burn yourself out and I don't think you'll care."
He was completely and totally right. "I've gotten better," she protested.
"Life isn't what you do anymore, right? You're just going to give yours up to the war, even if it doesn't physically kill you."
In retrospect, telling him that she didn't expect to survive the war was a bad move. Look at how she reacted to his possible future, and his concerns for her were much more immediate. And somehow, it hadn't really occurred to her that he really might have cause to be that concerned.
"I'm telling you the truth," said Jaina quietly. "I've learned a lot about balance lately."
'Then prove it."
She didn't have a response for that. No, that was something she was going to be stuck thinking about. Because she needed more to think about. Thanks, Jacen.
Jaina didn't say anything, and a moment later he got up and wordlessly finished his packing, and when he was done, she walked him out to find the others and say goodbye.
[NFB, NFI, OOC okay. A tiny bit of dialogue taken from Force Heretic I: Refugee by Sean Williams and Shane Dix. *chops book into little pieces for my own use, la!*]
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