Room 313, Thusday evening

[solo_sword]

Jaina was liking June less and less the longer it went on, because that meant it was ending soon. And whenever there was something she didn't want to deal with, she simply didn't, and buried herself in work instead.

There was less work at the moment than there was going through messages, though. It might ctually be time for a visit soon. By the time she got to the one from her parents, she realized she was missing certain people too much not to.


[*CLINGS TO GAME* I am back! Door is cracked open, post is open, and SP warning as I finish up work.]

Comments

[solo_sword]

Jaina looked at him sharply. "All of them?" She couldn't imagine him doing that to Tenel Ka, under any circumstances.

Then again, she wouldn't have counted on a version of him ever trying to kill her, either.

[momslilassassin]

"Tenel Ka's daughter on down," Ben said. "Tenel Ka's still alive, but Isolder is dead, and so was anyone who was on the flagship with her. It got bad. Dad was reeling for months because Jacen killed Mom and you? You went off to learn how to kill things from Boba Kriffing Fett. If I hadn't lived through it, I wouldn't believe me either. So yes, I kept things from you. Because I've seen one broken-hearted Jaina and I don't want two." His voice cracked on the last sentence and he turned his head away, hunching up his shoulders.

[solo_sword]

The Jaina that was still very much trying to learn, who wanted to get better to be a better fighter because that was in her unique job description, didn't think that was such a bad idea, in theory. It was the hows that confused her, why he apparently said yes, how Tenel Ka ended up with a kid, and those she wasn't going to ask into.

"You know I'm a big girl, right?" Jaina asked. "You're from a different reality than me. That isn't necessarily my future."

[momslilassassin]

"It doesn't mean it isn't your future, either," Ben told his feet. "You were so happy when Jacen came back, and he turns into everything we've been told to avoid."

[solo_sword]

"He knows the possibilities. He's not the same Jacen that broke my ribs. He's not the same Jacen that would commit regicide without a damn good reason. And it's not up to anyone else to keep me happy by keeping me ignorant," she told him. "In fact, I completely misunderstood John leaving because of that ignorance and because he couldn't tell me." Not that he hadn't offered to, but she wasn't telling him that. "Stick to honesty, it causes less headaches."

[momslilassassin]

Ben looked kicked in the stomach. "I didn't know telling him anything would make him leave."

Which was pretty much Ben's biggest fear. People had a habit of leaving and not coming back.

[solo_sword]

"Don't worry about it," she assured him. "He's done that before, and that's between him and me. I don't know what he knows and what he doesn't or how everything went, but if he's hearing things about my future and can't say anything, that hardly seems fair to me." Especially when she didn't discount him being part of her future.

[momslilassassin]

Ben was going to worry about it anyway. "So John can't just be my friend because he's your boyfriend first?"

[solo_sword]

"That's not what this is about," Jaina sighed. "Say I knew what happened to you in twenty years, and it's really terrible, but would only tell Tahiri and she can't say anything to you. Would you be okay with that? Would you want her knowing and keeping that secret? Because I'm not. And I'm really kriffing sick of being treated like a little kid with everyone else thinking they know best for me, and that's what it sounds like you're doing."

[momslilassassin]

And he was back home with his Jaina scolding him for running off like some seven year old idiot kid when he'd been following procedure. His eyes narrowed.

"Yeah," he said. "You're the one treated like a little kid. The one in a squadron at sixteen, the one who is clearly far too important to be here in high school with the rest of us. I don't want to know anything about twenty years from now because I can barely deal with my present!"

He would regret his words later, but being hurt and angry was a bad combination.

[solo_sword]

"Yeah, welcome to my world," Jaina snapped back. "You probably don't know the half of what I've been through the last few years, I don't need anyone's protection to save my little feelings, and I really don't need it when you don't seem to get that the secrecy hurts more and makes me madder than the truth could."

[momslilassassin]

"Fine!" Ben yelled. "Some version of you will grow up to kill your twin brother--will ask to, with your parents backing you up--and my father will say yes! And Tahiri will decide to toss it all away and turn into a Sith kriffing apprentice, spend a good week or so interrogating me, and then try to blow up a planet as good Sith do. But don't worry because it's maybe not your future. It's just what I had to live through. Force knows what possessed me to think you might not want to hear about it."

With that he whirled on his heel and tried to leave the room.

[solo_sword]

"I figured he was dead," said Jaina, not really realizing she said it, even as the rest of the words were still registering.

[momslilassassin]

"There's a galaxy of difference between him being gone and you being the one to end him," Ben said hoarsely, hand on the doorknob and forehead on the cool wood. "I wasn't treating you like a kid. I just didn't want to crush you. The Sword of the Jedi is no gift."

[solo_sword]

"I'm still standing."

Everything was still processing, of course, so very slowly after the fairly horrifying realization that she was glad it was her.

[momslilassassin]

Ben sighed. "Yeah, you're like beskar," he said softly. "Most of us don't do that."

[solo_sword]

It was easy, really. She was so used to bad news, and death, and destruction, word of it sort of hit in some empty place till she could deal with it later if she wanted. If not, she just carried it around with her till she didn't notice it anymore. It wasn't even the numbness. This was sort of dreamlike and weird, because to her, it just wasn't real.

Somewhere, Jaina was probably the PTSD queen.

"It doesn't have to happen like that," she said, still slightly on autopilot. "I'm sorry it had to happen for you, but it doesn't haev to be that way across the board."

[momslilassassin]

Ben was suddenly exhausted. His family could make Ender look emotionally well-adjusted.

"It does if you stop to feel things," he mumbled, then shook his head. "I have to go."

The room was starting to close in on him. He needed air.

[solo_sword]

That first bit earned him a glare, but she wasn't going to stop him. She wouldn't mind some time alone herself.