MHA #-1- Wednesday evening

[solo_sword]

Okay. So. Obviously this week was one of those weeks. The last time this had happened, Jaina was completely fine with it, due to having a boyfriend she could lock herself in a room with for a few days. When you were single and didn't have that option and this all hadn't ended after a few days, it wasn't as fun. It was frustrating. And you might think training might take some of the edge off, but no. It didn't.

She put up with that for two whole days before basically deciding screw it, if she was going to have this little friendly arrangement, this was a very good time to take advantage of it. Which was how she ended up heading over to MHA and knocking on the door of a certain basement apartment and thinking he better be home. And that no one else should be there.

[For he who rents said apartment.]

Comments

[solo_sword]

"Zekk's not a follower. He's something else entirely," she said, making a face even as she said it. He had to go here, huh?

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

Apparently so. "I don't know, I bet he's wishing he was in town this week." John seemed keen on pointing her attention far from himself.

[solo_sword]

"Probably, but he still didn't get that far the last time we went through something like this."

That would be Jaina squeezing her eyes shut like she didn't just reference the thing she'd made Zekk promise he would never reference.

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

"Bug thing?" John wondered.

[solo_sword]

"Bug thing," she confirmed, rubbing her forehead, and for some reason she kept talking. "Pheromones and meld and alcohol and we stopped in time. Did you have to bring him up?"

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

"Like, just in time?" It seemed John was taking full advantage of her honesty. "So I was almost right about you two boning?"

[solo_sword]

"No, he didn't even get any clothes off." Which wasn't to say she didn't, and she was looking really uncomfortable about admitting this. "Why are we going here right now?"

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

"Because you'll answer honestly and I like hearing that you shut down that douche. I blame the distinct lack of McKay in my life." Apparently he would answer honestly, too.

[solo_sword]

"I don't get why you need to hear that I told him no. I already told you we never slept together. Save for actual sleeping." He was a decent cuddler.

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

John shrugged, not quite understanding himself. "Right, you went for the scar guy. My mistake."

[solo_sword]

"Don't take it out on them because you didn't want me anymore." She had to put it in the way that would hurt to say, didn't she? Not to mention that was another subject she didn't want to get into. She was definitely mourning the booty call.

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

"When do you ever see me rejecting you, Jaina? Just because I can't go live happily ever after with you doesn't mean I don't want you."

Oh. Dear. God.

[solo_sword]

If it wasn't for the fact that neither of them could seem to lie, she really wouldn't have believed him. As it was, she was surprised. "Besides all the breakups? How about the fact that everyone's this hyped up this week and it's been days and yet he who's always up for it hasn't come to see me once? Let me guess, you either didn't need to, or didn't want me that much."

She wanted to shut up. So bad. So, bad. "I never stop getting rejected or passed over with you. And yet I know that and I still showed."

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

"Sorry Jaina, but it's not my job to chase after you. In case you missed it, I'm not sixteen anymore." He certainly felt far too old to be having this conversation.

[solo_sword]

"I know you're not sixteen. I knew I was someone important to sixteen-year-old you," she said, a little sadly. "And you still don't have to chase after me. In case you haven't noticed, I've been here for the taking since I realized I wasn't just some hookup to you."

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

"What's that supposed to even mean?" John said, really not getting it.

[solo_sword]

"It means I've been sitting here knowing you're doing things like dating women who use tricks to get guys into bed and having angry sex with Chuck Bass- repeatedly- and you don't need me at all, but I'm the idiot who still loves you anyway, and it doesn't even matter."

As soon as she realized what she said she was burying her face in her hands and praying he passed over hearing one certain part. This couldn't be happening.

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

There was a part of John that wanted to pull her close and tell her that it mattered and that if anyone could fix the mess he'd become it was her.

But it was wrong. John knew who he was and why he could never have nice things. "I'm sorry I hurt you." It didn't mean he was going to stop, though.

[solo_sword]

She didn't know if that answer made her feel better or worse. She uncovered her face and sighed, telling herself she shouldn't just flee. "Yeah, well. You don't seem to want to not to, either. You don't love me, you don't want to be with me, I've known that for years." Since their last breakup, actually. "But this is why I don't think I matter at all to you."

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

"You're wrong," he said, fully prepared to clap a hand over his mouth if he couldn't hold back the why from slipping out. "You've never for one moment considered how any of this affected me and dammit, Jaina, you do not get to paint yourself a victim here!"

[solo_sword]

"No, I've considered it," she shot back. "You break up with your girlfriend of three years and date someone else the same week, and if you're saying I matter then that's the first sign that something's up. But fine. Tell me how I'm wrong. Tell me how it's affected you. I've wanted to know, and never knew how to ask in a way that wouldn't get me shut down."

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

"I was living on a different planet! Things were not right between us and you know that just as well as I do! It was years for me and days for you and you still haven't figured out a way that won't get you shut down." As he said that last part, John stood and started walking back toward the entrance.

[solo_sword]

"Don't go," she said, getting up to follow him. "I know now that things weren't right. I didn't back then. All you've told me before now is that you gave up trying to make things not suck. Since then all I get are mixed signals and what I hear on radio. I want you to talk to me."

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

"This is my apartment, I'm not the one leaving," he said, opening the door and leaning against the edge. "I know you want me to open up and share all my deep-dark secrets, but I refuse to let you take advantage of whatever forced honesty I seem to be suffering from tonight. Some things aren't meant to be said."

[solo_sword]

Jaina stared at him, kind of unable to believe she was getting told to go, and she wasn't even getting sex out of the deal. "Yeah, there are some things I wish I hadn't said." Guess which ones. "Tell me you're not going to avoid me now."